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Posts Tagged ‘VBAC’

Eve, one hour old

Eve Daisy was born at 12.47am last Saturday, weighing 8lb 2oz after a successful induction which began on Friday afternoon. My second VBAC!

The birth was really quite quick, once the contractions kicked in, and the pushing stage particularly so… in fact I went from 6-10cm and she was born all within 10 minutes!

She is, of course, completely gorgeous, and gets more so every day. So far we think she looks a lot like Lilly did as a baby, she has the same shape face and nose, and she has the same slight smattering of hair that Lilly had (not the dark mop of hair that Isla was born with!)

Eve also has an extremely impressive pair of lungs and can not only already cry louder than her sisters but she also has a fabulous high pitched scream in her repertoire – so glad she is not my first baby or I would be paranoid that she was in real pain when she wails for food / has her nappy changed!

This time I was able to come out of hospital the same day, which was really brilliant. She was born just before 1am and we went down to the ward about 3am so I did spend half a night there. But we were discharged and home early that afternoon.

Once we got home, the VIP visitors arrived – big sisters Lilly and Isla, who had been staying with Tony’s mum and dad.

Lilly meets Eve for the first time

Lilly’s reaction when she saw her little sister was just incredible – I’m sure I’ll never forget it. The look on her face was just total amazement and genuinely full of love for her newest sister. She just could not stop telling her: “You’re so lovely! You’re so cute! I LOVE you Eve”, it was such a fabulous moment. And when we asked her what she thought of the name we’d given her, she said: “That is just exactly the name I wanted you to give her!”

Isla was less instantly impressed – she didn’t really take any attention of the new baby at all at first, she just carried on as normal. But in the days since then she has taken a lead from Lilly and has been stroking Eve’s head and saying “aaaaaahhh”. She also asks where the baby is quite a lot – she looks for her in her pram or in her car seat and if she isn’t there she says: “Baby!?”

To be fair, Isla hasn’t really ever seen a baby before, not one much younger than herself anyway. I think at first she really wondered what ‘it’ was – maybe another one of Lilly’s toys or something? Somebody held the baby up close to Isla on the first day and she looked a little bit scared! And at first she didn’t want to touch her or go too close. But because Lilly has been so brilliant and so loving with Eve, Isla has copied her which has been a great relief. So far we haven’t really noticed any particular change in Isla’s behaviour – we had expected she might play up more because she’d be a bit jealous – but she has actually been brilliant. It has made us feel so happy to think of the lovely close age gap the three girls will have and that the foundations are there for them all to have a really great relationship – certainly Lilly could not be a more doting big sister, on either Isla or Eve.

And in terms of how the first week has gone, I think we’ve all done pretty well. We have had a few ropey nights where Eve wouldn’t settle in her basket but prefered to sleep whilst being held. And at first she seemed to be struggling a bit with her feeding, but with a little help from a nice midwife we think we have things sorted now. But we are now on day 8 and for the last few nights we have been putting her down to bed at the same time as her sisters (7pm ish) after giving her a bath to tire her out a little, and it seems to have helped her relax and go to sleep without too much fuss. Last night she woke up 4 hourly through the night, so it was bed at 7pm then wakeups at 11pm, 3am and then 7am. I don’t think you can ask much more of a week old baby!

We have also ventured out a few times as a family of five - there are some more logistics to think about than there were when there were only four of us, but actually it really hasn’t been too horrendous. I think we are doing pretty well, so far!

There have been a few other major developments in the past week - our house move is now definitely back on, and it also looks like Tony may be going back to work for a while, but I will post a seperate entry about both of those - so all in all it feels like a LOT has happened in the last 8 days.

And yes, the family feels complete. Eve is just the perfect addition and she could not be more loved, by all of us. I am feeling very, very lucky and very much in love with my perfect family.

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Well – here it is. Isla’s birth story. Get comfy, it’s quite long…  

Isla was due on Thursday, June 17. But, as we suspected, that date came and went with no appearance from our second baby. She was obviously planning to follow in the footsteps of her sister, Lilly, who was 11 days overdue when she was born two and a half years earlier.

A week after the due date, I had an appointment with the consultant, at the Antenatal Day Clinic in Warrington Hospital. The consultant performed a “sweep” in the hope of getting things going and said I was 1-2cm dilated, and that my waters were accessible if they had to break them in case of induction. My blood pressure seemed high – in the 90s where it had been consistently at 70/75 for the last few months of my pregnancy, but my consultant said she wasn’t worried. They also found traces of glucose in my urine, which they sent off for testing. We were sent home with a date for induction if nothing happened naturally – Monday June 28, at 8am.

Tony and I both felt sure that it wouldn’t come to that – I had been having on and off contractions every evening for the past two nights. They hadn’t been particularly strong, and not very close together, but there was definitely something going on, and we were both hopeful that the sweep would kick-start the whole thing.

That night, we expectantly waited for something to happen. Nothing did. Not even the irregular mild pains of the last few evenings. Very disappointing.

The following evening (Friday), those pains were back, but yet again, as soon as I went to bed they disappeared.

On Saturday I had a show and once again became hopeful that something would happen. But Saturday (9 days over) felt a bit like The Last Chance Saloon – if nothing happened that evening, it looked very unlikely that I would go into labour by myself and would have to be induced – something I didn’t really want.

The plan was to begin by breaking my waters. Not something I was looking forward to, as with Lilly’s birth having the waters broken had been a distressing experience – I wasn’t told it was going to happen and as I was under the influence of gas and air at the time I was confused, upset and scared by it. Not how I wanted to start my second labour.

Besides, this time I was determined to get a natural birth after my first ended in an emergency c-section under general anaesthetic when Lilly became distressed, I failed to progress past 4cm and the epidural wouldn’t top up for the operation. I had read a lot about how to maximise my chances of getting a VBAC – Vaginal Birth After Caesarean – and it mainly boiled down to staying upright and active during the birth, not having my waters broken too early, and no epidural until at least 5cm dilated (if at all – I was worried that if it came to a section again the same might happen with the epidural – I wanted to opt for a spinal block instead in that case),

However, by 11 days overdue I was fed up. I felt huge, uncomfortable, and everything was a huge physical effort. I had no energy to play with Lilly and wanted to feel normal again. I wanted the baby out – so I was in no mood to argue against being induced, even though I worried that being induced would mean another c-section might be inevitable.

On the Sunday, Tony and I were resigned to the idea of the induction, and started to feel excited and nervous knowing that we would soon be meeting our new daughter, and starting a new chapter in our lives as a family of four. And the induction did have one big advantage – we were able to explain to Lilly that we were going into the hospital tomorrow to get the baby and that she would be staying with Nanna while we went. We got all her stuff organised and there was no rush or panic, and, for Lilly, no waking up in the night to find we had gone.

On Monday morning, we arrived at Warrington at 8am as arranged, and were shown to a ward with only one other couple on it, having also come in for induction. Blood pressure, urine samples etc were checked by a lovely trainee midwife, and, as before, my blood pressure was still high – in the 90s. The midwife decided to take my BP every 10 minutes for a while to see if it would come down – which it slowly did, to the mid 80s, and they were satisfied with that. Once again there was glucose in my urine and more was sent off to be tested. I asked the student midwife what it might mean as all my other urine samples had been fine throughout the pregnancy. She said it was possible to develop gestational diabetes right at the end of pregnancy, but I wasn’t worried because I knew I was going to have the baby that day or the next anyway.

After that I was put on the foetal heart rate monitor for half an hour. At this point, I was aware of some of those mild contractions / tightenings that I had been feeling over the last week, and the midwife asked me to press a button whenever I felt one, which would help them interpret the trace.

With Lilly’s birth, the first indication we had of her distress was when we first came into hospital and the monitor showed that with every contraction, her heart rate was dipping, then recovering afterwards. This got more and more pronounced the longer the labour went on until the emergency c-section was needed. So our biggest concern for this labour was that the same thing would happen again. Tony and I had agreed that, if the heart rate trace was showing the same situation was likely to repeat itself, that we would not allow things to get worse and worse before the inevitable emergency section – we would ask to have that decision taken earlier before the distress became potentially serious, and we had agreed as much with our consultant.

So, left alone with the foetal monitor doing its thing, we couldn’t resist the temptation to look at those spiky lines and try and interpret it in our own very ill-informed way. And it seemed to Tony that that same dip was occurring in this baby’s heart rate when I had a mild contraction. It wasn’t a good sign, and we started to wonder if this was all heading the same way as last time.

The midwife in charge of the ward came in to tell us that Delivery was very busy this morning, and we weren’t likely to be called up in the next hour or two. So we took the opportunity to walk down to the café and have a cuppa and a cake, buy a newspaper and a few lunch items for Tony.

Back on the ward, there was no news from Delivery. We had a view from our bed out of the window onto the ambulance bay for the maternity unit, and we watched about three ambulances turning up with lights flashing. Queue jumpers!

By early evening we were a little bored, and it was all a bit of an anti climax. The midwife was apologetic and said that if they hadn’t called us by 10pm then they would be unlikely to do the induction until tomorrow morning. We were really disappointed, and getting quite tired, because we’d been up since 6am.

At about 9.30pm I was put back on a foetal heart monitor. The mild tightenings I’d been feeling all day were a little more pronounced. And yet again, the monitor showed that with each one, the baby’s heart rate was dipping – ever so slightly, but still dipping. On top of this, my blood pressure kept rising to the mid nineties again. We explained our concerns to the midwife and she said she would ask a doctor to come down and have a look at the trace. At this point I decided to get into my pyjamas for the night, and Tony decided to stay until the doctor came. At some point I asked for some pain relief as they were quite uncomfortable, I was given some co codamol, which did seem to take the edge off.

We waited quite a while for the doctor, because Delivery was still very busy. By this time, the contractions / tightenings were getting even more pronounced. If I’d been at home experiencing the same, I’d have known I was in labour.

Finally, somewhere between 11pm and midnight, the doctor – Sammy – arrived. He had a look at the trace and agreed that there was a dip in baby’s heart rate and said there was a possibility that breaking the waters would help, by relieving the pressure. He said he would let us know when there was a room free upstairs and I asked him how long that might be – I wanted to know if Tony should go home (he had already technically outstayed his welcome as partners were supposed to leave after 10pm). He said he would go and plead my case and reappeared 10 minutes later telling us there was a room and we could go up now… Yay!

We went upstairs and got settled. A nurse came in to put in a canula in my hand just in case it was needed. She made a complete hash job of it – two painful attempts and couldn’t get a vain – in the end the doctor had to do it, and even he took two attempts!)

The midwife asked me if I wanted to use gas and air when they broke my waters. I wasn’t really keen as last time the gas and air had made the procedure more traumatic, as it had must made me feel sick and confused. I told the midwife I’d have a little “test run” on the gas and air, which I did, but decided to manage without it for now.

The midwife did an examination – I was 1-2cm – but couldn’t break my waters as she said her fingers weren’t long enough and the cervix was still a little high. This news didn’t make me feel very positive as it felt like proper labour was still a while away.

The doctor came back and broke my waters. It wasn’t exactly pleasant but it was nowhere near as upsetting as last time. In fact, he had real difficulty in doing it – he said the waters were very tight around the baby’s head and when he finally managed to do it there was no gushing of water – in fact at first he couldn’t be sure if it had worked! (When Isla was born she had two huge scratch marks on her head from this procedure poor thing!)

Then the doctor told the midwife to hook my up to the dreaded Syntocinon drip to get things going. Yikes!

The drip was started on a low setting and gradually turned up. At first it wasn’t too bad although the contractions were definitely more pronounced by now – I’d say they had reached the stage where pain wise I would have been wanting to come into hospital if I had gone into labour at home. I didn’t bother with the gas & air and managed for two hours with nothing other than the co codamol from earlier.

I started to feel a bit nauseous. I didn’t want gas and air or anything else for that matter, because I feared it would make me feel worse. After a little while, sure enough, I was sick. But afterwards I felt much better and started to think about more pain relief.  

Hospital policy after your waters breaking is to be examined every two hours and no more often. So, two hours later, I was examined. 3cm. I was a bit disappointed as I had hoped the pain would have helped me progress more than 1cm.

I decided to try some diamorphine after the midwife told me it was available.

The midwife gave me the diamorphine as an injection in my leg. It made me feel really sleepy and (at first) significantly took the edge off the pain. In fact, it made me pretty sleepy and I lay back on the bed and dozed on and off for an hour or so. It felt lovely…

During this time, the midwives kept coming in and out, checking the monitor for a while, then leaving. We asked the midwife to help us interpret the trace on the foetal heart rate monitor, and she reassured us that the baby’s heart rate was no longer dipping with the contractions, and that all was as it should be. Such a relief! Maybe this time would be different after all… The midwife was also turning up the syntocinon drip every half an hour to keep the contractions coming and to increase their intensity. We were left alone with the relaxing sound of the baby’s heart rate only interrupted by the occasional inflating of the blood pressure monitor. My blood pressure remained pretty high – mid nineties again. At some point – I can’t quite remember when – I was given a tablet to try to bring down the rate when it got to 100. But when they checked it again it had only gone down to 99!

After a little while though, the pain began to get stronger and stronger, and I knew that the diamorphine alone was not going to be enough to see me through. I endured half an hour or so of pretty agonising intense contractions as it was nearly examination time. I hoped I had reached five cms… which would have been a huge psychological boost as I never got past 4 last time. But when I was examined, disaster. Only 4cm. I’d only progressed 1cm in the last two hours, despite some significant pain. I was really disheartened and worried that maybe this was it; I’d be stuck at 4cm again.

It was at this point I asked for an epidural. And the midwife said she would go and sort this out with the anaesthetist, as a new one was just due to come on shift. However, it took almost two hours to get him to come to me. During this time the drip was getting turned up every half an hour and the contractions became unbearably strong. I was gripping Tony’s hand during each one and breathing but soon the pain just became too much. I started begging the midwives to turn the drip down PLEEEEASSE… and even sent Tony out into the corridor to beg them to do this for me, or to give me my epidural NOW!

Incidentally, the diamorphine was still working, even though it was not strong enough to dull the pain – I was really woozy and kept falling asleep and snoring (loudly) in between every contraction!

Eventually the anaesthetist came in – halleluiah! But wait, it was the same guy from last time – the one who had given me my ill fated epidural that gave me the shakes, made me sick, wore off, wouldn’t be topped up and ultimately lead to my c-section having to be carried out under general anaesthetic. Oh god, no!

I was still really woozy and out of it on the diamorphine. I wanted to ask the anaesthetist to NOT MESS IT UP AGAIN PLEASE, but wanted to ask him in the politest possible way, bearing in mind he was about to approach me again with a needle and I didn’t want to upset him. However, speaking coherently when you’re out of it on diamorphine isn’t easy so I ended up slurring something at him about “last time it didn’t work… please, I don’t want another general anaesthetic!”

Luckily, Mr Anaesthetist was in a much better mood than the same time two and a half years ago – I suspect he may actually have had a personality transplant in that time. He seemed jollier and actually cracked a joke… very much not like the last time we met!

Like last time, I kept totally still while he put the epidural in. Like last time, he seemed to carry on through a contraction, but I did not move a muscle! As soon as it was in, there was instant relief! That awful pain was gone… and, replacing it was a different sensation – a need to push?!

It was time to be examined again anyway. When the midwife announced I was 9cm dilated with just a tiny bit of lip left, I thought she was joking. I had gone from 4cm to 9cm in two hours – whooooooooo hooooooooo!!!! I was over the moon! But the midwife said I wasn’t “allowed” to push for another two hours, as they weren’t “allowed” to examine me again until then.

Well, for an hour, I tried not to push. Bloody hell, that was hard! The urge was so strong and I had to breathe through it when it came trying not to give in. It was amazing as I felt no pain from the contractions, just this sensation – Mr Anaesthetist had done an amazing job this time!

After an hour, the midwife took pity on me and said: “If you want to push, push.” So I did. She put my feet in stirrup type things to give me a bit more leverage and when I had the urge, I pushed with all my might. Tony was fabulous and kept reminding me to put my chin down, which I kept forgetting to do but which made the whole thing so much more successful.

After 45 minutes the midwife said those magic words: “With the next contraction, the baby’s head will be out”. “Nah,” I thought “There’s no way!” But I pushed as hard as I could and next thing I felt a scrabbling of tiny limbs as Isla shot out completely, arms and legs flying!

She was cleaned up a little and cried for a short while, a lovely, quiet, newborn baby cry. I was just in shock! I had given birth!! I didn’t even need forceps or anything! I had done it by myself!! It just didn’t feel real.

Next thing I had to do some gentle pushes to get out the placenta. I had a little cuddle with Isla – a gorgeous little thing with so much black hair, and weighing in at 8lbs exactly. The midwives were discussing the state of my down-belows… they couldn’t decide if I had a 2nd or 3rd degree tear (it was only a 2nd in the end) and decided I needed to be stitched up in theatre. So, off I went.

That ride on the trolley down the corridor to theatre brought back some memories! This time was different though as it wasn’t for an emergency c-section. I arrived in theatre and there was a very happy and jolly atmosphere – I’m sure some of those doctors were the same ones from two and half years earlier who delivered Lilly – but maybe that was just my romantic vision of the situation. My diamorphine was still doing its thing and I was STILL falling asleep and snoring!! However, when it came to the actual stitches the epidural did not mask the pain and I had a local anaesthetic injection. I mainly snored through the whole procedure. A doctor woke me up to ask me if he could put in a pessary. “What for?” I asked. “It gives you pain relief for 48 hours” was the reply. “Well, yes, of COURSE you can then!”

Afterwards I was wheeled back into the delivery room. There was Tony standing holding our new little baby. And that’s when it really hit me – so much love for our little girl, so much emotion and just so much happiness. I could not get hold of her fast enough and was sobbing looking at her perfect little face. I gave her her first feed and pretty soon afterwards we were whisked down to the ward – rooms up in delivery were still very much in demand!

So, that was it. I managed my VBAC, despite being induced and despite being put on that evil drip! Also despite not having the “active birth” I had been fighting for – when it came to the crunch I was so tired I never even considered getting out of my bed!!

Isla is completely gorgeous; I am so totally in love with my second little girl, just as I was with my first. I am so lucky.

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I am very very pleased to say that baby Isla Rose was born on Tuesday morning, weighing 8lbs exactly and bringing with her lots of love and happiness!

And I managed to achieve my natural birth!!

I will write up my birth story in full very soon, but in a nutshell my induction was a success, despite beginning with the breaking of my waters and use of the drip to speed up my contractions.

At one point, it seemed that things may be heading the same way as they did with my last labour, because during the early contractions her heartrate seemed to be dipping. But luckily, once the waters were broken the baby became a lot happier, and remained so right until she came flying out at 11.35am the next day!

For pain relief I went for diamorphine which actually was all I had until 9cm dilated, although I didn’t realise it! By that time I was begging for an epidural, which worked wonders, leaving me with no pain but still with the very strong sensation to push – almost as soon as the epidural was in! I’d gone from 4cm – 9cm in 2 hours and only pushed for 45 minutes before Isla made her entrance!

I was shocked, happy, surprised, overwhelmed… and very very tired by the time she arrived. I had a 2nd degree tear which was the least of my worries and was stitched up in theatre. After that I had my first skin to skin with Isla and totally fell in love with my little baby – with her very dark blue eyes and mop of black hair!

We were home the next day and even after being wheeled out of theatre after the stitches I felt brilliant – obviously a bit delicate and sore in places but I am continually thankful not to be recovering from a section with my two little girlies to look after!

Since her birth Isla has been a ridiculously easy baby to care for – nothing like the milk monster her sister was – in fact, my main concern has been getting her to feed regularly – she likes to sleep, sleep, sleep all day. My milk has come in now and so far she is being breastfed – it hasn’t been too much of a problem to keep up with her demands so it’s been a totally different experience.

I had so many messages of support, encouragement and congratulations both here and on twitter, so thank you thank you thank you everybody, you were so kind and so helpful.

Right, best get off here and wake Isla up to see if she’ll have some milk!!

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Well, I am now 10 days overdue and tomorrow time is up: I am going to be induced.

As I already said, I started having some contractions during the evening on Tuesday – which was 40+5, which amounted to nothing. I had the same the day afterwards, and again they died off when I went to bed.

Then on Thursday, at 7 days over, I went to see the consultant and had a sweep. (Ouch). She said I was 1cm dilated, cervix is 1cm thick but soft. When I first had it taken, my blood pressure was a little high – 140/95 compared with 110/75 at my last midwife appointment. But they took it a few times and it came down to 130something/82, so they said that was ok. They kept suggesting I was feeling “stressed” because of being in hospital – I wasn’t – in fact, I was quite enjoying it in the fancy antenatal day unit with the ultra comfy pregnant lady chairs!

Anyway, the day of the sweep both T and I really thought that would be it. I’d had two nights of contractions and hopefully the sweep would just push things a little bit over the edge. No such luck. That night I had the occasional twinge, and felt pretty uncomfortable after the rummaging around down there, but I had nothing that could be described as contractions. Soul destroying!

The next night though, the false contractions were back – and the night after that too. But everytime I went to bed, they stopped.

Yesterday (9 days over) I had a show and got my hopes up again. But despite a few pathetically mild contractions it was pretty obvious I wasn’t about to go into labour anytime soon. It felt like the Last Chance Saloon for me, and I was pretty depressed about it. When I woke up this morning with no pains, I resigned myself to the idea of being induced and have just been focusing on that all day today.

I’ve been a bit emotional, thinking about Lilly and how her life is just about to change and she can’t really comprehend how. I had a conversation with her this morning about how tomorrow mummy and daddy are going to the hospital to get the new baby sister, and she is going to stay with her Nanna. I was telling her about when she was born in the hospital, and she said “I’m your baby, aren’t I mummy?”

It still feels so strange that we are going to have two children soon – and a newborn baby to look after alongside a toddler! Are we crazy!!! How are we going to manage?!?!

And because of the induction – which is going to involve having my waters broken to start things off – I know that there is an even greater likelihood that this might end in an emergency c-section again. But hopefully if things look like they are headed that way (e.g. if heartrate is dipping and I’m not making good progress) that decision will be made earlier, meaning that at the very least, I will be able to be awake and T can be present when the procedure is done (last time was under general anaesthetic).

I really want my VBAC but my baby is the most important thing. I can’t go on being pregnant, I feel physically exhausted and uncomfortable all the time. If I get my natural birth – amazing!! I’ll be over the moon! But this time, having gained a better understanding of why what happened last time happened, I hope I’ll be much better able to understand and come to terms with the delivery, however it happens.

Wish me luck!

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Well, if labour is imminent for me (which, if you see my last post, I’m hoping it is!), I am issuing a last minute plea for your tips on how to cope when the pain starts coming for real!

I want to cope for as long as I can with as little pain relief as possible. I’m not being unrealistic about this, I had everything going last time, and I have an open mind to everything this time. But I want to cope at home for as long as I can, and if I do have an epidural, I want to be progressing nicely before I do in order to make it more likely I can achieve my VBAC.

So, just a quick post from me – what helped you cope with labour? Was it a particular thought, or breathing technique, or massage or encouraging words?

Hopefully I haven’t got long – so any suggestions welcome!!

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Well, as the World Cup started today it would be appropriate to say we are now 39 weeks pregnant, approaching the end and considering the possibility of extra time added on!

I am due next Thursday, but no signs yet that this baby wants to make a timely / slightly early appearance.

I had my appointment with the consultant this week, nothing much new to report apart from she seemed friendly enough and quite positive about the idea of a VBAC. In fact, at one point, I felt like she was almost trying to sell me on the idea – I’m one step ahead of you there, Mrs Consultant!!

My next appointment isn’t until 7 days overdue – so very much hoping I don’t get that far. But if I do, consultant says they’ll only want me to go 10 days over before trying to induce me. More details on what that will involve will be discussed at the next appointment, if baby hasn’t come naturally by then. I’m not totally against the idea of induction, as I think by 10 days over I’ll be well and truly ready to meet this baby. I just hope that baby can do the business and make her own way to the exit before then.

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Well, i’ve been meaning to give an update on my VBAC situation for a week or so now, but unfortunately have been pretty busy with Lilly and her chicken pox - which is on the way out now, thank goodness.

Well, first off, we went to see the Supervisor of Midwives at the hospital last week. All in all it was a really helpful experience. She had had a read through my notes from the last labour and shed a bit more light on what happened and why. (My birth story – although it is an epic – is here in case you’re interested).

The main new pieces of information she gave me were as follows. Basically, re the failure to progress, I was stuck at 4cm for the best part of at least 6 hours. We went into hospital at around midnight, I was 3cm dilated. By the time I had my c-section, which was 11am the next day, I was still only 4cm. I can’t help but think the lack of mobility (because of the monitoring and the epidural) won’t have helped that, but to be fair, they can’t be the only reason.

When we went into hospital, at 3cm dilated, the monitor was showing the baby was already a little distressed – her heartrate was dipping with each contraction, but then recovering again. This could have been due to many reasons – even something as daft as her squeezing the cord with each contraction. Because they did not know why, they let me continue in the hope that I would progress quickly before the distress got any more pronounced. Unfortunately, the opposite happened, and the distress worsened at a much quicker pace than the dilation progressed. Therefore, a section was inevitable. And I suppose when the registrar was overenthusiastically breaking my waters very early on without warning me what he was going to go, and when they were hooking me up the drip to speed up my contractions, they were trying to get me to deliver before the distress got worse. Again, this is something I have never had explained to me, and makes me feel a little happier about what happened when and why.

The Supervisor of Midwives put forward a theory – which I’m not quite sure I accept to be honest – that perhaps my pelvis was too small and therefore the baby was never gonna come out naturally. She said there was swelling on the baby’s head, so she had obviously been pressing down on my cervix very hard, but it wasn’t opening enough to let her through. This again was news to us, as we were told at the time that the blood tests taken from the baby’s head at the time had come back “fine”. The first registrar I saw in this pregnancy – who had also read my notes – had suggested that this failture to progress might have been because Lilly’s head was turned slightly in the wrong direction, therefore she wasn’t pressing directly on my cervix and therefore it wasn’t dilating as it should have been. In my totally uneducated opinion, this sounds a more plausable option. I don’t think my pelvis should be particularly small – in fact, I’ll feel very ripped off if I have some kind of unnaturally small pelvis – if I did I’d expect to be a size 6 or something, but I can assure you I am anything but! Also, I kind of think that surely you’d only know if your pelvis was too small if you had dilated to 10cms but then the baby got stuck?!

I asked about how much mobility I can have with the continuous monitoring. She said I can sit on a ball, on a chair, on a stool etc, or sit upright in bed. I don’t have to be lying down. But she said I will have to make some kind of agreement as to how much, and how often, I am monitored with my consultant, who I’m yet to see.

Apparently my consultant – she is a woman (which I am pleased about) and she herself has just returned from maternity leave (which I am also pleased about – she has had a baby herself!) which is why I haven’t seen her in person yet. The Supervisor of Midwives said she is “pro-vbac” so we’ll wait to see what she says. I have another appointment on the 8th of June, and the midwife said she’d make sure I see my actual consultant, and that she’ll also try to come to the appointment as well, now that she knows my case.

The Supervisor of Midwives was positive, but she was also cautious. She really was telling me that my last c-section did happen for a reason, it was unavoidable. Yes, there were things that they could have done better, like communication with us to help us understand what was happening and why. But the outcome was probably pretty inevitable. In a way though, that helps me to come to terms with it and understand it. For a long time after Lilly was born I just couldn’t accept what had happened and why. I felt like it was all unneccessary and needn’t have happened that way. Now, after speaking to people about what actually happened, and why, and weirdly enough, watching One Born Every Minute (a scarily real-life documentary about life on a normal labour ward) I’ve come to realise that these things happen, they’re unavoidable and they happen for a reason. I feel a lot less strongly about the way Lilly was born. I’ve accepted it. I hope this one will be different, but if it isn’t, it isn’t.

One thing which came out of it was this. If I walk into the hospital in labour this time, and i’m put on that monitor, and it shows the same problem trace with the heart rate dipping with each contraction, the wisest option is to ask for a section there and then.

But I still believe that no two labours are the same, and I live in hope that this one might be a bit more straightforward and that maybe I can still achieve the vbac I really want. If I can’t do it this time, I’ll never do it.

Oh, and in other news – baby has turned! I saw the midwife at 36 weeks and she confirmed it. Great relief!

I am now stepping up the raspberry leaf tea and hoping that baby is gearing up for a successful entrance into the world!

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Well, I finished work today to start my maternity leave!

I’ve had a really lovely day, with lots of kind things said and lots of lovely presents, not only for me and the baby but also some presents for Lilly too!

It feels really great to finish. Work itself hasn’t really been so bad, it’s the getting up in the morning and getting ready, driving to and from work and then coming in after a full day, exhausted and having to look after Lilly for a few hours before bed. I must also say that I am feeling VERY “pregnant”. I can remember last time feeling like everything was loosening up and I was starting to feel a bit like my hips and everything were slightly wibbly. I think that was only in the last few weeks, but i’ve already been feeling like that for a couple of weeks this time. I’m also getting lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, but nothing that resembles “real” contractions. I feel much bigger and more cumbersome than I ever remember feeling with Lilly – I really feel like I’m dragging myself around a bit!

I’ve done some bouncing on my ball, and now I’m just hoping baby has turned and is no longer breech. If she has, I’m not aware of it, and I don’t know how I would tell. I couldn’t get to sleep straight away last night, and baby was moving lots, and I was trying to feel whether I could make out a hand or a head at the bottom of the bump… it was inconclusive! I really hope she has moved!

I have an appointment with the supervisor of midwives now – on Tuesday. I’ve written up my new VBAC birth plan (as I want it to be) and I’m going to take that along. Continous monitoring and mobility being the main issues. So I’ll see what we can agree on.

As far as Lilly goes, we have come to a sad conclusion this week: it is the end of the nap. Her sleeping has been up the wall for a few months now, and only in the last week have we enjoyed a few nights of continous sleeping. And only when she hadn’t had a daytime nap. Yesterday, she had an hour’s nap in nursery and hardly slept a wink last night. That sealed the deal! No sleep today, so lets see how well we do tonight… fingers crossed.

It’s a shame becuase I was really hoping she’d still be napping while I was on mat leave. But it wasn’t to be. RIP daytime naps, you will be missed!

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Well, 34 weeks pregnant today and only a week until I finish work.

I had my midwife appointment today and all was fine – baby is still breech though so I need to get bouncing on my birthing ball, or, as midwife suggests: “going on all fours with your bum in the air”!! I go back at 36 weeks, and if little Madame is still breech I’ll be referred for a scan at Warrington. Hopefully she can “turn it around” before then, anyway.

I’m also thinking about starting on the raspberry leaf tea. Last time I didn’t start drinking it until about a week overdue – then I decided to guzzle it by the gallon load. Don’t know if it helped or not, but labour did start two days later. I’ve read a study which says that if you have one cup a day from 32 weeks it makes the second stage of labour shorter, which can surely be no bad thing. I wasn’t brave enough to try it as early as that, but now I’m 34 weeks I think I might give it a go.

I’ve also made the call to the hospital about seeing a Supervisor of Midwives re my VBAC plans. I spoke to somebody on the labour ward just now, and get the impression that, unless I’m a bit pushy, I might get fobbed off a bit. Being pushy isn’t really in my nature so I need to pull it out of myself a bit, I think.

In order to arm myself with everything I want to know, everything I want so say and what I want them to help me with, I’ve just been looking over my VBAC research, my draft birth plan and also re-reading Lilly’s birth story to work out what it is I do and don’t want this time.

(In a nutshell – last time there was an awful lot of intervention – waters broken without warning, blood taken from baby’s head, numerous attempts to put monitors on baby’s head, continuous monitoring and not much mobility because of suspected fetal distress, failure to progress, need to have c-section, failed epidural, general anaesthetic. Phew)

So, in order to get my head straight for when and if I finally get to talk to somebody who will help me agree a birth plan that I’m comfortable with, one which might actually lead me to have as good a chance as any to achieve a VBAC, here are the outpourings of my mind…

Things I did not like about last time:

  •  Continous monitoring meaning I wasn’t very mobile, leading to failure to progress (which is what they are helpfully proposing for this time too)
  • Waters being broken early, and with no warning that they were going to be broken (scary, unpleasant, no need)
  • Gas & air not helping – perhaps I wasn’t doing it right? (Please god let it help this time!)
  • Monitor being put on baby’s head – three failed attempts!! (painful, awful)
  • All the checks for fetal distress (water’s clear, blood test from baby) came back clear, yet fetal distress was still assumed from the off. Why?
  • Having an epidural put in – didn’t like the big needle – grumpy anaesthetist didn’t help – and he carried on even though I was having a contraction – which made me cry – and might have been one of the reasons why the epidural eventually failed
  • Side effects of epidural – shivering, being sick. Will this happen again? What is the alternative, pain relief wise? Pethedine?
  • Epidural not being able to be topped up when it came to c-section – leading to general anaesthetic instead. What are the alternatives? Spinal block?
  • Being told that, once bloods have been taken from the baby’s head to check for distress, this has to be done every half an hour? (felt like a threat to make me agree to a section)

As a result of all the above, my birth plan so far reads as follows:

Birth plan for Baby No.2

  •  My last labour resulted in an emergency caesarean under general anaesthetic – something I am very keen to avoid this time.

 

  •  I want to be kept informed of what is happening at every stage, and why it is happening

 

  • I understand that labour is unpredictable but I would like as little intervention as possible in order to allow my labour to progress naturally. My aim is to achieve a VBAC and to avoid an emergency caesarean.

 

  • If possible, I would like to wait until at least 7cm dilated before my waters are broken. If it is thought necessary for my waters to be broken, I want to be told about this IN ADVANCE and be told the reasons for it.

 

  • I am open minded about having an epidural, if possible I want to wait until after 5cms dilation so as not to increase the risk of an emergency c-section

 

  • I understand that fetal monitoring will need to be carried out, but I wish to remain as mobile as possible throughout labour, so would like this monitoring to be done intermittently, not continuously. I would like to avoid having a monitor attached to the baby’s head unless this is deemed a necessity for medial reasons.

 

I feel a bit like this birth plan is all negatives – basically DON’T ANYBODY TOUCH ME!!! LEAVE ME ALONE AND I’LL HAVE THIS BABY IF YOU DON’T MIND!!! But that’s the way I feel, a little bit.

My last birth plan reads like a fantasists list to Santa. The only things on there that happened was my request for Lilly to be given vitamin K by mouth (which was hospital policy anyway) and for Tony to be given the baby in the event of my needing a section under general anaesthetic. Whoop de Whoop.

Anyway, all this could be scuppered if Little Miss stays breech. And I know Tony is secretly hoping she does, because he thinks a planned section would be easier and less stressful. He does support me but I know he can’t really understand why I want to put myself through childbirth when I don’t really “have” to.

It feels good to write it all down. I just hope I can be as clear about what I want when this Supervisor of Midwives person calls me back. I don’t really want to be fighting these battles on the day I’m in labour.

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Well, 33 weeks gone now… we’re getting towards that home stretch very quickly now!

I cannot explain how quickly it has gone. Every cliche in the book is true – it has flown! In fact, I’m just gobsmacked as to how quickly i’ve reached this point. When I was pregnant with Lilly it felt like a lifetime – I was so impatient and thought of nothing else but being pregnant and my new baby. This time, I’ve already got one baby, and she takes up a lot of my time and my thoughts, and so the pregnancy has just carried on without me paying such close attention!

I am finishing work in two weeks!!!! And I cannot wait. I decided to bring it forward a week to the 14th, rather than the 21st. Tony, my mum and his mum all kept tempting me into an earlier finish, and I’ve been feeling fairly tired the last few weeks, especially with Lilly being a little bit ‘challenging’ in the sleeping department lately (more of that in a minute, no doubt). I think I always knew that finishing at 36 weeks might have been ambitious. In fact, I’d have been happy to finish work at about 30 weeks if I could have! I do feel heavy and big and slow and tired… but I know I’m very lucky as, aside from that, I’m feeling very good.

I haven’t got around to ringing the Supervisor of Midwives yet to make an appointment r.e. my VBAC. I must do that in the next few days as I don’t know how long it takes to get seen.

My birthing ball has arrived and I have had a few bounces! I’m trying to second guess which way up baby is. Some pregnant women seem so confident they know everything that’s going on on in there – they say they know whether it was an arm or a leg kicking them, for example. I’m afraid I’m not as knowledgeable as that!! I *think* baby might be head down judging by the kicks I’ve been feeling, but it’s really hard to tell. Going back to the midwife in a week’s time, so we’ll see what she thinks.

I’ve also started buying some of the baby bits and bobs. Most exciting of all, the pram! Have decided to go for a Mamas and Papas Sola, which is now ordered and we’re waiting for it to arrive in a few weeks time. Also bought some of the more boring baby bits – dummies, muslins, bottles, maternity pads, breast pads… all the glamourous stuff!

Meanwhile, Lilly’s sleeping is still up the wall. She wakes up at least once in the night. If we’re lucky, she settles back down with a few ssssshhhhes. If not, we have to sleep on a sofa bed on the landing. If we’re really unlucky, she has a screaming fit and won’t settle for ages. Last night was one of those nights. I am knackered! She is also having plenty of toddler tantrums during the day – especially when she’s tired and it’s coming towards bedtime. She had one of those yesterday, too. Huge screaming hysterics at bedtime. Took an hour and a half to get her quiet. Exhausting. Then she was awake at 5.50am. Grrrrrrrr. I’ve been left seriously wondering how the hell I’m going to manage toddler and baby bedtime at the same time on my own once Tony is back at work after the birth. It just doesn’t bear thinking about!!

Oh, and Lilly is back in her cot. The big girls bed just made the sleeping worse. And she could get out, which just added and extra element to the bedtime/nighttime battle. Now, as far as I’m concerned, she can stay in that cot as long as she needs to – even if it means buying another one for her sister!!

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