9 weeks 2 days – still feeling sick

Well, this pregnancy I am definitely not managing to avoid the morning sickness – it is there constantly, pretty much.

I suppose I’m still pretty lucky as so far it has not got anywhere near actually being sick, but it’s like having constant car sickness or something in the background all the time. Occasionally it gets a bit worse – like this evening, where I really felt awful for half an hour or so – and sometimes it’s not too bad and I forget about it. But it’s always there.

We have just come back from a lovely week at Center Parcs in Sherwood Forest, which i’ll probably blog about seperately. I’m still very much off the tea and coffee – in fact the thought of pretty much any hot drink, including hot chocolate or horlicks makes me feel quite ill. I’m back to a stage where I just can’t get too excited about the thought of any food – I have  a ‘big shop’ to do but can’t think of any meal ideas which seem remotely appetising. I ate some mini cheddars at Tony’s mum’s house this afternoon and they just tasted like salt! I’m also really thirsty all the time, but no matter how much I drink it doesn’t go away.

My hormones are all over the place too. Last Sunday, while we were getting ready to go to Center Parcs the following day, I went to the supermarket to buy some of the things we were going to take away with us for self catering. My timing was awful. I was in the supermarket for the 11am Remembrance Sunday two minute silence. (Usually we go to to a service, the only reason we didn’t this year was trying to get everything packed and ready for our holiday). Anyway, they announced over the tannoy that they were going to be doing the silences in ten minutes, and then proceeded to start playing really emotional songs like Mariah Carey “There’s a hero/if you look inside your soul….” Oh my god. By the time the fanfare came on for the silence I already knew. I was going to be a hormonal wreck. I tried to find a quiet aisle (settled on the nappy aisle and tried to fix my gaze on them for the two minutes) and just stood there with the tears rolling down my face. It was just awful. I didn’t have a tissue or anything on me. After the two minutes were up, I tried really hard to pull myself together again but couldn’t really think straight so just threw a few more things in the trolley, paid, and got out of there!

As soon as I got in the car, I called Tony and started sobbing… he must’ve wondered what the hell had happened!

I had a similar hormonal outburst about this stage in pregnancy last time – again in the supermarket! I was doing the shopping and Tony was washing my car. When I finished I got into the car park and couldn’t find Tony. I tried to ring him and couldn’t get an answer. I got really upset and panicky. I wheeled the trolley round the car park a few times, like a mad woman, all bleary eyed. I thought Tony had abandoned me and I was really cross and upset. What had actually happened was there was a queue to wash the cars, and he was still washing mine, with the phone inside it. Eventually I spotted him at the car wash, wheeled the trolley over and pretty much pushed the trolley into the car, shouting “where have you been?!?! I thought you’d gone without me!!!”

At that point in the last pregnancy, I vowed never to step in a supermarket ever again. Internet shopping all the way.

I think the same course of action would be wise this time round, too!

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Seven weeks four days – feeling bleuurrrghhhh!

The queasiness and inability to face the thought of many foods has really got a lot worse over the last few days. This is worse than I remember it with Lilly – although I suppose last time I didn’t have a lively little toddler to look after and I got more sleep and could take things slower I suppose!

Yesterday it reached a peak. Luckily, it was a Sunday and Tony was here because I was just feeling shattered and so queasy. Everytime I ate, it made me feel worse. Eventually, when Lilly went to bed at 6pm (she hadn’t had her usual nap, because the noise of the wind outside scared her, so she went to bed a little earlier) I went to bed too, and slept for a couple of hours. Bliss. I felt much better when I woke up, but still a bit icky.

For the last few days I’ve also felt ill at the thought of tea and coffee – something which never happened last time. I know it must be so obvious in work when I’m turning down teas and coffees – usually I’m a caffeine monster – but I don’t really care if people work out what the reason might be – the thought of a cup of coffee makes me feel really sick!

Today I’m feeling a bit better though, so I’m hoping i’ve turned a corner. I even had a sip of tea this afternoon, without ill effect! I’ve got a constant nausea underneath everything, but at lunchtime I managed to go out and find a sandwich that I actually liked the look of and fancied to eat, and managed to eat it without feeling queasy or bloated. So that was a small victory!

I think the morning sickness has actually helped make things seem a bit more real. I probably do believe I’m pregnant now (finally!!) so it has had some useful effect.

We might not have the early scan now (i’m a ditherer, i know…) as we are on holiday in Center Parcs next week and then i’ll be nearly nine weeks by the time we’re back, so not all that long to wait until the 12 week scan which is on December 2. So we’re trying to be a bit patient and resist temptation!

Oh, and my personal prediction about this baby – a boy! Based on a strong hunch I had on the day of ovulation and still have today. Only time will tell!

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6 weeks pregnant – first visit to the midwife

Well, I’ve reached six weeks pregnant today and had my first appointment with a midwife.

This appointment was the booking in appointment with the midwife who visits my local GPs. It is a little bit complicated because the midwives who visit my local GPs serve Wigan hospital, not Warrington, where I am having my baby. So, basically, the midwife I see at my GP can’t really tell me anything specific about what really will happen – because procedures are different at the two hospitals. My actual booking-in appointment will take place at Warrington – more of that later.

Up here, we don’t necessarily see the same midwife each time, it’s just pot luck who you get. Today’s midwife was one who I saw while pregnant and in the weeks after having Lilly. She’s a bit brash, but I like her, she’s quite to-the-point and down to earth.

She wrote out a few notes and gave me some leaflets. Then she asked me about my last pregnancy. I told her – very straightforward, uncomplicated pregnancy and a birth that was anything but. 10 days overdue, over enthusiastic intervention by consultant, failed epidural, emergency c-section under general anaesthetic. I said I was keen to avoid that scenario again if at all possible!

Most of what she told me I already knew. That they’ll go back over my birth notes and see what the reasons for the c-section were, and if it was a straight forward failure to progress (rather than breech or other complication that is likely to recur) then they’ll be ok for me to go for a VBAC – vaginal birth after caesarian. That’s what I really want.

She asked me how far i’d manage to progress last time. I guessed about 5cm. She said this time I’d probably get to 5cm quite quickly, then after that it’d slow down and I’d labour like a first timer, which I knew.

She also said that the consultants would probably be a bit reluctant to induce me if I went over 14 days (which is the maximum time they’ll let you go overdue before an induction at Warrington, at Wigan it is 10 days apparently). This is because the induction process puts more intense pressure on the scar on your uterus. She said if it came to induction they might agree to a “half hearted” induction – one pessary to see if it worked on its own, otherwise they’d advise a section.

It’s a subject I need to do plenty or research on, and if anyone out there can tell me where I begin, that’d be brilliant!

I also asked the midwife today about some of the other things that i’ve been thinking about. One was will I do any harm to the baby by lifting and carrying Lilly, who weighs nearly 2 stone! She said it was just like exercise – if you’re a regular jogger before you got pregnant, you can usually just carry on. So that’s reassured me a bit. Besides, a friend of mine has just had a second baby (her first is a little younger than Lilly) and her partner was away in the Navy for most of her pregnancy, and she survived.

The other thing I asked her about was the swine flu jab. It gets rolled out to pregnant women next week and the Government are very keen to stress that pregnant women should have it. I’ve really already made up my mind about it – I want to have it - and I was only really wanting to ask her whether I had to book an appointment, or they’ll write to me. However, she thought I was asking her opinion and launched into a big rant about how she isn’t going to have it, it hasn’t been researched enough and she doesn’t care what management say! Something she did say though, which I suppose makes sense, is that by 12 weeks the baby is fully developed, and it might be best to wait until then. I checked with the receptionist on the way out and she said the jab is only being offered to pregnant women who are at least 13 weeks pregnant (so in second trimester) anyway.

So, there we have it, first midwife appointment. My next one is not until November 16, which is at Warrington. My 12 week scan is booked for 2 December, which can’t come soon enough. I’ve looked at the cost of private scans, and at Take A Peek in St Helens, where we had our 3d scan with Lilly, you can have a reassurance scan for £65. I think we’ll try and hold out though, it seems silly to pay for something which we’re going to get anyway a few weeks later. But we’ll see.

On another note – I am already showing!!! To me, it looks pretty obvious. If nobody has guessed at work yet, I’ll be insulted! Not sure how I can keep it under wraps til 12 weeks…. last time I kept it secret until five and half months!

And symptoms wise, I’m still the same. Nothing much to report. I get really tired around 2pm at work and just can’t find the energy or motivation to do anything. I think this might be a combination of pregnancy and caffeine withdrawral!

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Ohmygosh!

Well, I did test as planned this morning and… POSITIVE!

I got up at the shocking hour of 4.30am (about an hour ago) to do the test with T before he left for work ‘just in case’ it was good news.

At first, on the test window of the stick it looked like a line straight away, but when I compared it to the box i realised the line was across the window, not down like it should have been so I thought that was it.

But then, as I stared at it, willing a line to appear, the faintest hint of a vertical line started to appear like magic… ohmygoodness!

I left it a minute or so until I could be sure I wasn’t imagining things… then took it through to T, who was still in the shower, with a big smile on my face. He said “that’s a definite line!” and then gave me a very wet hug and kiss! We went downstairs and had a celebratory cuppa before he went off to work, now I’m sitting in bed with my laptop taking it all in.

According to the wonderful www.fertilityfriend.com my due date (going from ovulation) is 17 June 2010, a few week’s after T’s 30th birthday and just before our 6th wedding anniversary.

I’ve got no symptoms to report really, just the ones that lead me to think we might have been lucky earlier on in my cycle. Somehow, the day after ovulation, I just felt pregnant. I was bloated and a bit crampy and I just had a feeling. I also had a vision of a baby boy – so we’ll have to wait and see whether that comes true or not!

Aside from that, i’ve had days when i’ve been particularly hungry, and I had a really lightheaded and dizzy spell on CD20, which was 4dpo. Last time with Lilly, I remember having really sore boobs by this stage, but that hasn’t happened this time… at best there is sometimes a dull ache which is almost inperceptible… I haven’t been able to decide whether I was largely imagining things at times.

I suppose the pink tinged cm on CD 27 – 11 dpo – must have been implantation. I had hoped that might be the case, but by yesterday I was just so nervous about doing the test!

So there we are, doing it all again. Wow.

Right, better get up and have my shower before my darling little Lil wakes up. She is going to make a lovely big sister!

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It’s in my genes

Last week I finally had the results of three years worth of genetic investigations that have been going on since I was treated for bowel cancer in 2005, a month after I turned 25.

Obviously I was unusually young to get this disease, which is usually associated with older people. I was extremely lucky it was discovered in time because I did not have the conventional symptoms including bleeding, but rather had become extremely amaemic over the course of a few years while the tumour grew silently. I only discovered I was severely amaemic when I tried to give blood and was referred to the doctors straight away (they told me my iron levels were so low that technically I shouldn’t have been able to walk around, however they think i had become amaemic slowly so had learned to adapt over time).

To cut a long story short I was put on the iron tablets and vitamin injections while they tried to work out what was wrong with me. But before they managed, I started getting pains in my side one Saturday, was taken to A&E where they suspected appendicitus. I was taken down for an emergency op that night, but when I woke up – in High Dependency after six hours in theatre – a consultant told me “We found a tumour in your bowel, it’s probably cancer, but don’t worry we think we’ve removed it all.”

I had six months of (thankfully not very severe) chemotherapy to ‘be on the safe side’. The only thing I ever worried about was becoming infertile. Six months after finishing chemo, we were given the ok to try for a baby. About eight months later, I was pregnant. The result is our little star, Lilly, born in December 07.

Anyway, that’s the background. After my operation, I was referred to the geneticist because of the unusual nature of my cancer, and the age at which I had it. Apparently, mine was a right sided tumour (which explained the lack of bleeding as a symptom) and one which is usually associated with a hereditary genetic fault of some kind.

I went to see the geneticist in July 2006 to go through all my family history to work out what the possible genetic cause could be. Unfortunately my mum and dad split up when I was six months old, and i’ve never seen him since, so the information we were able to give the doctor about his side of the family wasn’t great. However, as we started talking about my mum’s side, she remembered relatives with certain conditions that might be relevant, and the doctor said it was possible the cancer was HNPCC related, through my Nan’s side of the family. HNPCC is a genetic condition which means you have increased vulnerability to certain types of cancers, particularly bowel and womb cancer. It can be passed down in your genes and while it remained a possibility, the geneticist advised my mum, half sister and any other close blood relatives should be offered regular screening, particularly two yearly colonoscopies (investigations of the bowel to check for growths), which I already have.

Since that initial time visiting the geneticist, she has been doing all kinds of clever research into my genetic makeup. She initially looked at blood samples to see if there were any of the characteristics of HNPCC present, but couldn’t find any. Then she took samples from my tumour itself and ran tests.

Three years later and the researchers have gone as far as they can. They can’t find any evidence of HNPCC, but they’re pretty convinced my cancer was genetic in origin. They have suspicions about two of my “repair cells”, which don’t seem to be working correctly. It is their job to regulate normal cell production in my body, to find cells which have reproduced incorrectly and correct them before they go nasty and potentially turn cancerous. Unfortunately it seems I may have two corrupt genetic ‘policemen’ in my system, although the geneticist cannot be sure what exactly this means for me. He said we already know it leaves me vulnerable to tumours in my bowel, but we cannot know whether I may be at greater risk than anybody else of contracting other types of cancer, and if so, how much greater my risk might be. His advice was to be vigilant of my body and be cautious – if I think there’s any chance of something being wrong with me, act on it. In other words, be a bit more of a hypochondriac than I was when I struggled on for years with anaemia thinking i was just really unfit!

Unfortunately / fortunately this means that my mum and my half sister, who is now 2o, are recommended to have colonoscopies every two years, like me, in case they are at risk. Theoretically, Lilly will have to have it too, once she’s older, but I’m banking on the fact that things will have advanced in 20 years. We had hoped that they would be able to isolate a faulty gene so that any blood relatives could be offered a simple blood test to see if they carried it too. A colonoscopy isn’t a very nice procedure – you have to starve yourself for two days and take laxatives so they can put a camera up your bottom to look at your bowel – but it’s a lot better than having cancer!!

The whole thing has made me think. I want to try and do what I can to minimise my chances of bowel cancer returning, or worse still, of getting any other type of cancer. I think i’m going to look into diet and what I can eat or not eat to help myself stay well. Perhaps I should be eating less red meat, or less / more fibre, I’m not sure. I also know that the reality is, I may be no more or less likely than the next person to get cancer. But I want to live a long life and see my daughter grow up and enjoy a long retirement with my lovely husband. So, whatever I can do to help can’t be a bad thing, can it?

Maybe I will come back and let you know what I find out – and whether I manage to stick to it!

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12 week scan – AMAZING!

Well, we had the scan yesterday and saw bubs for the very first time… absolutely amazing.

 

Although the photo is actually scanned in on it’s side, the baby is lying with it’s head down (standing on its head, as the sonographer said!). In this picture you can see the hand, being drawn up towards the face, but you can’t see the legs which were really long and he or she was kicking away quite happily.

Because it was on its head, it was tricky for the lady to measure the head (that is how they know how many weeks gone it is) and although she tried asking me to cough, it still wouldn’t budge (stubborn!!). Anyway she was still able to do it, and put it at 12 weeks 5 days, which means the new due date is December 20… bit close to Christmas!!

We were both overwhelmingly happy and just couldn’t get the smiles off our faces! We celebrated with a bottle of bubbly with the in-laws… only a small sip for me, obviously!

Wow, i’m just so happy. I was so nervous and excited before we went in, i was so worried that they’d say something was wrong. But, as the sonographer said, “seems like you were just lucky with your lack of symptoms”.

I’ve now got loads of appointments for various things, and the next scan is on August 7. Cannot wait!

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First scan today – nervous!

Well, it has finally come around… today we have our first scan on what i estimate to be exactly 13 weeks.

I am feeling excited and nervous in equal parts. Excited because to see our little bubs kicking around on the screen will probably be the most amazing experience of my life. Nervous in case it doesn’t happen like that!

I still have no symptoms to speak of… or at least nothing i can confidently put down to pregnancy. I feel absolutely fine… normal. I have no cravings, no aversions to any types of foods. I don’t feel sick or nauseas, and i’m not even particularly tired. In fact, i must confess that i did another pregnancy test last night (i know, i know!). To my relief, it came up a strong positive straight away. It’s scary though because now that i’m past 12 weeks EVERYONE knows… (with the exception of work)… all the relatives on both sides have been given the news by the two grannies to be. I suppsoe that just adds to my worries as although i have got to 12 weeks without any sign that anything is wrong, we don’t have any evidence that everything is fine, either. I suppose i do feel that my tummy has grown a little bit… clothes feel a bit tighter, but i have lost 3lbs since my bfp. I don’t think it is noticeable yet to the untrained eye… i hope not ayway as i’m still having to keep it a secret from work.

We got back yesterday from our holiday in Lagos, Portugal. It was a nice relaxing week, and we did plenty of sunbathing and swimming as well as a little bit of driving around seeing the sights. We weren’t as impressed with the Algarve as we were with Cyprus last year… but then again Cyprus does take a lot of beating! It was sad too, as every shop, bar, restaurant etc has posters with photos of Maddie McCann, who was abducted from Praia De Luz about 38 days ago now. We even saw some in Lagos which were handmade with real photos stuck to them, and, written in biro, “Missing 10pm last night Praia De Luz”. Very sad. I really really hope with all my heart that she is returned safe and well. Thinking about what her family must be going through makes you feel sick. I just do not know how they cope… it is unimaginably horific for them.

Anyway. Yes. We had a nice holiday and have returned feeling refreshed although i am not looking forward to finding out the latest “developments” at work. Apparently we will find out whether we have been ring fenced for any of the new posts on the 20th June… so hopefully we will know more then. I just hope to goodness that i still have a job, i feel furious at the prospect of losing what i am entitled to for the sake of this ridiculous example of bad management!

But for today, the main thing is the scan. Please please let it show us a healthy bubs waving away! There is nothing in the world more important than that right now!

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No symptoms

11 weeks today… woo hoo! But i have learnt that i am never going to be satisfied! Looking back over the previous posts when i had my very occasional boughts of (slight) nausea and i’m writing “hopefully it won’t get any worse…”. Well, that wish came true and now i am feeling completely normal… TOO normal for my liking!

I do believe that i have a very strong, resilient body and in that way, having no symptoms makes sense. But i’d really like something, anything, to provide extra reassurance that everything is ok.

The scan isn’t until 13 weeks… in fact two weeks today. Good job we have our holiday to take our minds of things a bit.

Come on baby, give me a sign!!

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Nine weeks gone already!

Well, it’s nine weeks today (by my calculations, nine weeks three by the doc’s). Things are still going along fine, we went to a booking in appointment with a midwife called Lynn at the hospital yesterday. She took blood tests, blood pressure, checked urine and gave us a whole load of reading material. We also got our Bounty pack of baby related goodies!

She advised us on the nuchal scan, which apparently you can’t get on the NHS. You can have it done at Liverpool hospital for £110, and it has to be done before 13 weeks. They do offer you the blood test at 16 weeks, but apparently, the nuchal translucency scan is more accurate. T and I have been deliberating for a while about whether to give into curiosity and pay for a scan before the nhs one at 13 weeks. We had decided that perhaps it was a bit pricey when all we had to do was wait another couple of weeks, but now that we have been told about this nuchal scan, i think it has given us an excuse to go for it. I’m going to ring them today to book one in, so hopefully that’ll be fairly soon.

Had a bit of a wobbler last week stressing out about not really having any symptoms. I didn’t think i felt queasy enough, or tired enough. But my nerves have settled a bit, as i’m now aware that i’m yawning more, and that i do feel queasy a lot of the time, just not very severely. Having said that, yesterday morning for about half an hour i really thought i would be sick, although after a second breakfast it passed thank goodness!

Still haven’t told anyone at work, although i had a dream last night that i did. I went out for lunch on Saturday with some of the girls from work, including one who had her one and a half year old daughter with her. She was absolutely adorable and made me even more excited at the prospect of being a mummy!

Time does seem to be going fairly slowly at the moment though. I was excited about reaching seven weeks, it felt like loads. Now i’m at nine I feel like it’s taking ages and can’t wait to be 13 weeks so we can have the first proper scan and then tell everyone.

I’m trying to concentrate on thoughts of our holiday in the Algarve in just under three weeks… i cannot wait!!

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Seven weeks… and starting to feel it!

Well, we reach the exciting milestone of seven weeks today… and it feels like loads!

Things have taken a worrying development though, as i am starting to feel the first hints of the dreaded morning sickness. No actually sickness yet, thank goodness. However, on Sunday, I was feeling a little queasy all day… and the very thought of food made me feel worse, as did the smell of an oasis light! I could not think of a single thing that seemed appealing to eat, and eventually settled on sausage, mash and beans, which made me feel sick while i made it but then actually did not tastes as bad as I had built up in my head.

Yesterday, strangely, i felt fine again, then this morning after i got out of the shower there was a moment when i thought i might actually be sick.

Well, suppose that’s the joy of pregnancy! Hopefully it doesn’t get any worse than this (hope i’m not being too naive making that statement…) I’ve had a nice glass of milk (calcium) and a bowl of porridge… so hopefully i can keep it at bay for a while.

I’ll keep you posted!

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