Well, I am now totally “out of the closet” at work, in the family and with friends, which feels good!
But just as I thought the morning sickness was fading a little it seems to have reared its head again – I felt terrible all day yesterday. However, I’m starting to think it might have been connected to not drinking enough water… I usually drink water all day at work but didn’t have much to drink yesterday, and today, as I started feeling a bit peculiar again, I started drinking and it seems to have kept it at bay. So, maybe I have a bit of a strategy from now on!
It’s also worth reporting that I had my swine flu jab last week - at 13 weeks pregnant. The jab itself was fine - my arm ached like crazy that night though and if I wasn’t pregnant I would definitely have been reaching for the pain killers! It’s still a bit sore a few days later, but nothing too bad. I feel glad that I’ve had the jab now as I’m protected and don’t have to worry when I hear horror stories about women dying in labour or after having emergency sections.
Aside from that, there’s not much new to report, suppose I am just getting impatient to start feeling kicks now… although it will likely still be a few weeks yet. I have my 20 week scan at the end of January, and I think with the excitement of Christmas and Lilly’s second birthday that is going to arrive so quickly… and then I’ll be half way through the pregnancy!!!! Quite scary really, and I think time is just going to fly by…
I have an appointment with the consultant in between Christmas and New Year where hopefully we’ll be able to discuss the birth – both Lilly’s and the one I want this time. To be honest, I have a bit of a fear about this birth – and a bit of a realisation this morning that this might get worse as time goes on. I suppose the crux of the matter is I really, really want a VBAC. But I’m so scared that I won’t be able to do it – that when it comes to the crunch I won’t have the determination or resolve to birth naturally, that they’ll offer me an “easy way out” and I’ll take it. Do I really want it as much as I think I do? Can I be strong enough? Can I cope with the pain and the pushing and everything? Will i get the support I need or will I be unlucky and end up with a horrible midwife who isn’t encouraging and doesn’t help me?
And on the practical side – will they want me strapped down on a monitor, unable to move around and help things along naturally? Will they start messing with me too early on then put me on this stupid “time restriction” by which I must’ve reached a certain dilation or they threaten me with more intervention or surgery?
This time the birth feels like such an uncertainty – something that I perhaps have little or no control over. If the baby is breach, they’ll be telling me to have an elective section. If the baby is overdue, likewise.
I haven’t thought all that much about the birth yet, but as you can see, when I do, I feel a bit overwhelmed with worries. It wasn’t like this with Lilly at all – I just trusted that all would be fine, and it never crossed my mind that I’d have a section, let alone under a general anaesthetic. I really don’t want that again – I just want to be normal!
Read Full Post »