Two little lines

It’s funny how two little lines can turn your world upside down in an instant.

Two little lines can force you to re-think everything: the job you do, how often you do it. The car you drive, the house you live in. The money you spend, the holidays you go on. The commitments you have, the favours you ask.

Two little lines have made their way into our lives on two previous occasions, but it was different then. We knew (or hoped) they were coming. We planned for them in advance. We had some idea how we would manage, how things would work out.

But when two little lines popped up on Thursday night we were not expecting them. No, not at all. But, there they were.

It was the day after Isla’s first birthday. The test was only a cheapy one – picked up for 99p as an afterthought. It was meant to confirm that I wasn’t pregnant. I never, ever expected to see those two lines, ever again!

But there they were, clear as day, as soon as the test was done. We didn’t know what to think, how to react. A 10.20pm dash to a 24 hour supermarket followed, a slightly dazed purchase was made and a Clearblue Digital confirmed both that I was pregnant and also that I am “at least” five weeks so.

Oh. My. Goodness.

The last couple of days have been a blur.

 

We can’t afford a baby

We haven’t got room for a baby

We already have a baby – she’s only just ONE!

What will our families say?

What will my work say?

How on earth will we afford childcare for three?!?!?

How will we cope?

 

We still haven’t got answers to those questions, to be honest. But after a lovely night away for our anniversary this weekend, everything is starting to sink in a little bit more.

 

We can have another baby, we will find room, we will work out a way to manage.

 

What we lack in space or finance we will make up for with love – not only from us, but from this baby’s sisters and his or her extended family.

So, there it is. Our family of four looks likely to be about to be come a family of five.

YIKES!!!!!!!

Read Full Post »

Seven weeks pregnant

Well, here we are – seven weeks.

Last time I got to this stage I felt like it was a really significant milestone – seven weeks pregnant – it felt like loads!

This time it doesn’t feel like that – I still feel like it’s really early days. 12 weeks seems miles away. I think this time I feel a lot more anxious about things, I feel more worried about the things which can go wrong – don’t know why that is but I do. I think maybe I have the pregnancy books that bit earlier and looking at the pictures in The Pregnancy Bible (which I think is a great book, by the way) contributes a bit – the baby at this stage is just so tiny and only just starting to look recognisable as a human being – it’s less than an inch long!

Last time I was pregnant I never for one minute doubted that I would have a baby, from the second I saw the line on the pregnancy test. The whole pregnancy was just excitement and anticipation and impatience. This time, even though I now know what its like to have a successful pregnancy and what it is to have a baby and look after one, it all feels even more unreal and like somehow it won’t really happen. I can’t actually believe or imagine me this time next year, with a toddler of nearly three and a baby of four months. It seems like a mad dream, totally hypothetical!

And yet, hopefully, that is exactly what is going to happen!!

T and I have talked about going for an early scan, which I think might be able to kick-start my excitement and unswerving belief that we really are doing all this again. The place where we had our 3d scan with Lilly, Take A Peek in St Helens, does a reassurance scan for £65. So we may go before or after our trip to Center Parcs, which is in a week and a half. Or, we may be brave and hold out until 12 weeks.

Symptoms wise I’ve been feeling similar to how I felt at this stage with Lilly. All morning I feel slightly queasy and need to constantly eat to keep that feeling at bay. The problem is, I’m fussy with what I can and can’t face the thought of eating. And when I do eat, I feel so full!

Today for lunch I had some pea and ham soup and a bread roll. I couldn’t eat it all because I started to feel like I’d eaten six Christmas dinners. I’ve felt hugely bloated all day – like my tummy is ready to pop!!

I think my rate of tummy expansion has slowed down a little – thank goodness - so maybe I will make it to 12 weeks without it being massively obvious to everyone!

Oh, and I had my first pregnancy related dream last night. I dreamt I was 10 days overdue and I’d only just realised! And I was really annoyed because I hadn’t started on the raspberry leaf tea yet!

 

Read Full Post »

Ready to do it all again

October 7, 2009

Well – it has been over a year since my last post on here.

Lilly is now 21 months, walking, talking, laughing, tantruming… she’s a fully fledged little person.

I’ve neglected this blog for too long – I rediscovered it today and had a read back over it – it’s just lovely to have an account of such a lovely time in my life to look back at.

I think it’s time to make a return. And it is with news, of sorts.

We are trying for baby number 2!

Yes, since April this year, we’ve been hoping for a little brother or sister for our Lillypie.

Today is CD29, 13dpo. Test date is tomorrow. I feel sick with nerves and the memories of all those painful BFNs from last time are too fresh in my mind.

I have a mix of feelings in my stomach about all this. I’ve felt positive that this cycle might be the one since the beginning. All the way through, ovulation and initial dpos, i felt sure that this one would be successful. Obviously, as D-Day looms my confidence has been worn away slightly, and I’m currently erring between feeling quietly confident and then pretty sure i don’t feel pregnant.

Unfortunately I think i’ve rather got T’s hopes up this cycle, as well as my own. Naughty girl.

Since coming off the pill in April, i’ve had three proper cycles – this is the fourth. The first two were 34 days long. The last one was 28. So the test will either be two days late or four days early, depending on which one you believe.

Wish me luck….

Read Full Post »

I’m five weeks, four days pregnant

April 21, 2007

Well, the news has just about sunk in now, and me and T are both still feeling very smiley and excited! So far, i am still feeling very well and my main pregnancy sign is the fact that my nipples have doubled in size!!

We went to the doctors the day after we did the positive pregnancy tests, and i have my booking in appointment with the midwife on Thursday… how exciting! I also have my one-year-on check with my chemotherapy consultant on Tuesday… so will be able to give him the good news.

After telling T’s mum and dad on Sunday, i rang my mum and told her too, and she was thrilled, as was my sister, who is going to be an aunty! My mum told me that she never suffered from morning sickness with either me or my sister, and doesn’t think my nan did either with her or my uncle. T’s mum didn’t get it either… so if i do get it i get the feeling i won’t be getting much sympathy from either of them!!

For the first few days after finding out, i found it difficult to sleep as my mind was racing around everything, and I was just generally too excited. That’s worn off now, and i can sleep fine thank goodness! However, there still isn’t a moment goes by really when i’m not thinking about the fact that i’m pregnant or that we will have a baby in less than eight months! We have a lot of preparation work to do to get ready for that, but at the same time, neither of us can wait!!

Read Full Post »

I’m pregnant!!!!

Wow… i am still in shock… did a pg test this morning when i first woke up and, almost instantly, a line appeared! I ran back into the bedroom, waking up T waving the test!

Suffice to say we are both absolutely over the moon and cannot believe how lucky we are!!

The test i did this morning was a cheapo Asda-own, so we got up after the first bfp and went to get a clearblue digi. It was very nerve wracking waiting for the little timer to go off and for it to show us the word… but finally it did and there it was, “Pregnant”. We were both shaking and couldn’t stop hugging each other for pure joy!

So, according to fertilityfriend.com, my estimated due date is 18th December… so we are having a Christmas baby! This time next year we’ll have a four month old!!!!!!

Wow, i’m so excited and thrilled… there is so much to think about. We have already been round and given the news to T’s mum and dad, who were shocked and thrilled. We’ve worked out that i’m somwhere between 4-5 weeks, as it only counts from the first day of our last period, not the day you think you ov’d, or conceived.

We’ve had a few early chats about maybe having a private scan dones at 8 weeks or so, as we’re both so impatient and don’t think we can wait until 12 weeks. It also looks like our holiday will coincide with the 12 week mark, so in any case, doesn’t look like we’ll be able to have our proper first scan until 13 weeks.

Haven’t told anybody else yet – will probably tell my mum soon though. My main worry is hiding it in work… as soon as i knock back coffee more than once, they’ll be right on to me. Can’t decide whether it’s best to confide in one or two, who are good friends, so they can help me with the coverup!

Well, i’m off to immerse myself in baby magazines… i feel this huge need to read as much information as I can!

As for symptoms, i don’t really have a great many… i suppose, with hindsight, i have been a bit more tired than usual the last few nights, falling asleep on the sofa… and i did have very sore nipples over the last week too. I’ve also had a few twinges, like when I stand up too quick, but apart from that nothing amazing. I’m sure that will all change in a few weeks!!!

Read Full Post »