Haribo has grown!

Today we had our ’12′ week scan at the hospital and got to see how much little Haribo has grown since we had our first peek three weeks ago.

And there he or she was, flipping and stretching and sticking his or her bum up to the screen for us to see, clear as day!

The sonographer confirmed the 13 weeks gestation, which means the due date is indeed February 13, as the private scan had suggested. Add on the 11 days overdue that I expect to achieve again and that makes the realistic arrival time about Feb 24.

Seeing the baby on the screen was just lovely. It’s hard to believe how much he/she has grown since the last scan just a few weeks ago. Then, the baby was just a gummibear shape with a heartbeat (hence the Haribo nickname!). This time you could clearly see arms, legs, hands, eyes, nose, and a mouth opening and closing.

Maybe the amazing rate of growth explains why I am feeling so crap! Continuous nausea all day, worse in the morning and evenings, and lots of foods that make me feel ill. Apart from cheese and nutella on toast, of course, which I genuinely enjoyed for lunch yesterday! I’m also quite big on anything dairy at the moment, too. And in the mornings I wake up thirsty but the thought of pretty much any kind of drink, even water, makes me feel ill. Tea and coffee can occasionally be tolerated, but never first thing in the morning.

Before the scan I had my booking appointment with a lovely midwife. None of the information was new, obviously, but she was really friendly and nice. I explained my worry about having had a colonoscopy (as part of my regular post-cancer checkups) when I was 5 weeks pregnant and didn’t know it, but she said “what’s done is done” and that pethidine (which they use to sedate you during the procedure) won’t have affected the baby. So that’s a relief.

Hubby and I have debated the triple / quad test. But we have decided, like last time, not to go with it. It’s so unreliable and even if we came back high risk we wouldn’t want to risk invasive tests.

So, there we are, this is really happening! And this week I will have to start telling the world… starting with work!

 

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Had a lovely Christmas…

It’s currently boxing day and all’s calm… Lilly’s asleep, i’m on the net and T is playing with his new computer game.

We’ve had a really nice few days over Christmas. Unlike Lilly’s first, we were all in good health and able to enjoy ourselves, and it was lovely as Lilly was old enough to get a bit excited and have some idea of what is going on!

Up until Christmas Eve, Lilly was absolutely terrified of Father Christmas – she couldn’t look at pictures or cuddly versions of him even, and she kept saying “I don’t like Christmas!” But she started to realise there was some link between the dreaded FC and presents – so she soon started saying “I like presents!”.

By Christmas Eve, we managed to look at a few Christmas cards with FC on them, and Lilly was happy to point to it and say “Fah Chrismas!” And on Christmas Eve before bed the three of us read The Night Before Christmas, hung up the stocking and left out a carrot for Rudolph.

We’ve had plenty of snow over the past week, and although we didn’t have any fresh flakes on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, we still had plenty of it on the ground. It was ok to walk on on Christmas Eve, when Lilly and I walked over to Nana and Grandads while T was at work, but by Christmas Day and especially today, it has just become like compacted ice – I’m terrified to go outside because I don’t want to fall over!

Lilly walks to Nana's house in the snow on Christmas Eve

Lilly slept in until 7.30am on Christmas Day, then when she got up she found her stocking on the landing filled with presents, which she was really excited about and opened them in bed with us. She got a lot of stickers and crayons and other little Peppa Pig things, and was really happy with those and didn’t really want to come downstairs (where she didn’t realise there would be more presents!)

We got downstairs but Lilly was a bit upset at leaving her stocking stuff behind, so we watched a bit of Peppa to calm her down (Christmas special – she was terrified of the Father Christmas in it a few weeks ago, and cried so much we turned it off… this time she frowned at him a bit but said: “I not cry.”)

After a while she became interested in the presents under the tree so we turned the tv off and got cracking! Her main presents were a Peppa Pig camper van and a wooden Thomas the Tank railway with some additional trains to go on it. The first Thomas related item she opened was the Thomas engine, and she said: “Need tracks now… I open the tracks!” like as if she knew there was also a trainset under there!! I said to Tony, it was a good job there was!!

Well, one Thomas was opened and the tracks were out she wasn’t really interested in opening any other presents, so some of them only got opened this morning!

Safe to say, Lilly loved her trainset!

And, in the morning, while we were sitting on the sofa watching Lilly with her presents, I felt the first definite kicks from her little brother or sister! I’ve been feeling something for a week or so now, but nothing I could confidently say was definitely the baby moving – but this was certain! And yesterday evening I felt more – this time more like movements than kicks, and today too i’ve felt plenty of wiggling. A fantastic feeling, which makes me feel much closer to this little life inside me which I’m sometimes too busy to think about, and what a brilliant Christmas present for me from my littlest one too (at exactly 15 weeks)!

After that, we went round to T’s mum and dads, where there were more presents and Christmas dinner, which was lovely. The big present they got Lilly was a huge Wendy House, which is currently in their living room and taking up rather a lot of space, but will go outside once all the snow and ice clears! Lilly was absolutely over the moon with it, and even declared: “This is perfect!” so again, another hit!

All in all we’ve had a really lovely time and we’re thinking of taking Lilly to Thomas Land at Drayton Manor tomorrow as an early birthday treat, as if she hasn’t been spoilt enough already!!

Ooh, and I forgot to say – my morning sickness has gone!!! Whoop whoop! I reckon it disappeared about the 14 week mark. I’m feeling much more normal now and am even contemplating trying a cup of tea or coffee again sometime soon – well maybe in a few weeks time, don’t want to jinx it!

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13 weeks three days – still feeling sick

Well, I am now totally “out of the closet” at work, in the family and with friends, which feels good!

But just as I thought the morning sickness was fading a little it seems to have reared its head again – I felt terrible all day yesterday. However, I’m starting to think it might have been connected to not drinking enough water… I usually drink water all day at work but didn’t have much to drink yesterday, and today, as I started feeling a bit peculiar again, I started drinking and it seems to have kept it at bay. So, maybe I have a bit of a strategy from now on!

It’s also worth reporting that I had my swine flu jab last week - at 13 weeks pregnant. The jab itself was fine - my arm ached like crazy that night though and if I wasn’t pregnant I would definitely have been reaching for the pain killers! It’s still a bit sore a few days later, but nothing too bad. I feel glad that I’ve had the jab now as I’m protected and don’t have to worry when I hear horror stories about women dying in labour or after having emergency sections.

Aside from that, there’s not much new to report, suppose I am just getting impatient to start feeling kicks now… although it will likely still be a few weeks yet. I have my 20 week scan at the end of January, and I think with the excitement of Christmas and Lilly’s second birthday that is going to arrive so quickly… and then I’ll be half way through the pregnancy!!!! Quite scary really, and I think time is just going to fly by…

I have an appointment with the consultant in between Christmas and New Year where hopefully we’ll be able to discuss the birth – both Lilly’s and the one I want this time. To be honest, I have a bit of a fear about this birth – and a bit of a realisation this morning that this might get worse as time goes on. I suppose the crux of the matter is I really, really want a VBAC. But I’m so scared that I won’t be able to do it – that when it comes to the crunch I won’t have the determination or resolve to birth naturally, that they’ll offer me an “easy way out” and I’ll take it. Do I really want it as much as I think I do? Can I be strong enough? Can I cope with the pain and the pushing and everything? Will i get the support I need or will I be unlucky and end up with a horrible midwife who isn’t encouraging and doesn’t help me?

And on the practical side – will they want me strapped down on a monitor, unable to move around and help things along naturally? Will they start messing with me too early on then put me on this stupid “time restriction” by which I must’ve reached a certain dilation or they threaten me with more intervention or surgery?

This time the birth feels like such an uncertainty – something that I perhaps have little or no control over. If the baby is breach, they’ll be telling me to have an elective section. If the baby is overdue, likewise.

I haven’t thought all that much about the birth yet, but as you can see, when I do, I feel a bit overwhelmed with worries. It wasn’t like this with Lilly at all – I just trusted that all would be fine, and it never crossed my mind that I’d have a section, let alone under a general anaesthetic. I really don’t want that again – I just want to be normal!

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10 weeks, three days pregnant

Well, we’ve reached double figures!

I am still feeling a bit “car sick” every day. It last all day and fades in the evening time. I think it might be slightly less than a week ago, so hopefully it’s starting to go away as all the books promise. My boobs are now very tender for the first time this pregnancy too.

Went out shopping for maternity jeans today – my belly is pretty big already and although I can still squeeze into my jeans I don’t really like to in case I’m putting pressure on my tum. I tried on three pairs in Next and then swapped the ones I wanted for a size smaller as they felt a bit loose. When I got them home, I realised I’d picked up a different style…. grrrrrrr…. these ones make me feel like Kris Kross cos they fall down when I walk!! So, back to square one on that front.

Aside from the pregnancy, we’ve had news on T’s job. He works as a courier driver for a fairly small local company. The run he currently does, a cheque clearance one for a big bank, is going as his company have lost the contract. He’s been lucky as they want to keep him on and he has been spared redundancy for the second time. But his new run involves working 3pm until midnight every day – which means we won’t be seeing much of each other during the week, and we’re having to totally rethink all our childcare arrangements. Currently, Tony goes to work at 5.30am (which admittedly wasn’t great either!), I get Lilly up and drop her off at nursery on my way to work. Tony finishes work at lunchtime and has a couple of hours to himself before picking her up at about 3pm. As of next week, he’ll be dropping her off at nursery late morning, I’ll be finishing work early everyday to pick her up from nursery around 5pm and doing the bedtime routine by myself.

Neither of us are looking forward to this, and I think it’s going to be pretty lonely in the evenings once Lilly’s gone to bed, but at least he still has a job. Which is something we can only be greatful for in the current climate. And we’re taking heart in the fact that it won’t be forever – all being well I’ll be on maternity leave in six months time, so even if he hasn’t found anything else by then, at least we’ll have all day together with our babies.

Now we’re looking forward to the 12 week scan – only a week and a half to go – although I feel so nervous about it, I think i’ll be a wreck! I just want to know everything’s all right.

Oh, and I had my first slightly sleepless night last night thinking about the birth. I’d been having a conversation with T’s mum yesterday about Lilly’s birth and how unhappy I was with the way the consultant handled things. When I woke up last night about 3am to go to the toilet, my mind started racing about what would happen this time and I couldn’t get back to sleep for about an hour. I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come…

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9 weeks 2 days – still feeling sick

Well, this pregnancy I am definitely not managing to avoid the morning sickness – it is there constantly, pretty much.

I suppose I’m still pretty lucky as so far it has not got anywhere near actually being sick, but it’s like having constant car sickness or something in the background all the time. Occasionally it gets a bit worse – like this evening, where I really felt awful for half an hour or so – and sometimes it’s not too bad and I forget about it. But it’s always there.

We have just come back from a lovely week at Center Parcs in Sherwood Forest, which i’ll probably blog about seperately. I’m still very much off the tea and coffee – in fact the thought of pretty much any hot drink, including hot chocolate or horlicks makes me feel quite ill. I’m back to a stage where I just can’t get too excited about the thought of any food – I have  a ‘big shop’ to do but can’t think of any meal ideas which seem remotely appetising. I ate some mini cheddars at Tony’s mum’s house this afternoon and they just tasted like salt! I’m also really thirsty all the time, but no matter how much I drink it doesn’t go away.

My hormones are all over the place too. Last Sunday, while we were getting ready to go to Center Parcs the following day, I went to the supermarket to buy some of the things we were going to take away with us for self catering. My timing was awful. I was in the supermarket for the 11am Remembrance Sunday two minute silence. (Usually we go to to a service, the only reason we didn’t this year was trying to get everything packed and ready for our holiday). Anyway, they announced over the tannoy that they were going to be doing the silences in ten minutes, and then proceeded to start playing really emotional songs like Mariah Carey “There’s a hero/if you look inside your soul….” Oh my god. By the time the fanfare came on for the silence I already knew. I was going to be a hormonal wreck. I tried to find a quiet aisle (settled on the nappy aisle and tried to fix my gaze on them for the two minutes) and just stood there with the tears rolling down my face. It was just awful. I didn’t have a tissue or anything on me. After the two minutes were up, I tried really hard to pull myself together again but couldn’t really think straight so just threw a few more things in the trolley, paid, and got out of there!

As soon as I got in the car, I called Tony and started sobbing… he must’ve wondered what the hell had happened!

I had a similar hormonal outburst about this stage in pregnancy last time – again in the supermarket! I was doing the shopping and Tony was washing my car. When I finished I got into the car park and couldn’t find Tony. I tried to ring him and couldn’t get an answer. I got really upset and panicky. I wheeled the trolley round the car park a few times, like a mad woman, all bleary eyed. I thought Tony had abandoned me and I was really cross and upset. What had actually happened was there was a queue to wash the cars, and he was still washing mine, with the phone inside it. Eventually I spotted him at the car wash, wheeled the trolley over and pretty much pushed the trolley into the car, shouting “where have you been?!?! I thought you’d gone without me!!!”

At that point in the last pregnancy, I vowed never to step in a supermarket ever again. Internet shopping all the way.

I think the same course of action would be wise this time round, too!

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Seven weeks four days – feeling bleuurrrghhhh!

The queasiness and inability to face the thought of many foods has really got a lot worse over the last few days. This is worse than I remember it with Lilly – although I suppose last time I didn’t have a lively little toddler to look after and I got more sleep and could take things slower I suppose!

Yesterday it reached a peak. Luckily, it was a Sunday and Tony was here because I was just feeling shattered and so queasy. Everytime I ate, it made me feel worse. Eventually, when Lilly went to bed at 6pm (she hadn’t had her usual nap, because the noise of the wind outside scared her, so she went to bed a little earlier) I went to bed too, and slept for a couple of hours. Bliss. I felt much better when I woke up, but still a bit icky.

For the last few days I’ve also felt ill at the thought of tea and coffee – something which never happened last time. I know it must be so obvious in work when I’m turning down teas and coffees – usually I’m a caffeine monster – but I don’t really care if people work out what the reason might be – the thought of a cup of coffee makes me feel really sick!

Today I’m feeling a bit better though, so I’m hoping i’ve turned a corner. I even had a sip of tea this afternoon, without ill effect! I’ve got a constant nausea underneath everything, but at lunchtime I managed to go out and find a sandwich that I actually liked the look of and fancied to eat, and managed to eat it without feeling queasy or bloated. So that was a small victory!

I think the morning sickness has actually helped make things seem a bit more real. I probably do believe I’m pregnant now (finally!!) so it has had some useful effect.

We might not have the early scan now (i’m a ditherer, i know…) as we are on holiday in Center Parcs next week and then i’ll be nearly nine weeks by the time we’re back, so not all that long to wait until the 12 week scan which is on December 2. So we’re trying to be a bit patient and resist temptation!

Oh, and my personal prediction about this baby – a boy! Based on a strong hunch I had on the day of ovulation and still have today. Only time will tell!

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I’ve been sick!

… For the first time while being pregnant!

I have been so lucky until now escaping the dreaded morning sickness but this morning it has struck!

It is probably my own fault for glugging down a load of apple and blackcurrant squash on an empty stomach first thing this morning. I won’t be doing that again!

I was just sitting here, doing a shop on Tesco (I decided as of yesterday that I hate supermarkets and can’t carry anything heavy anyway) when i started feeling a bit hungry. I went and made myself some toast with lemon curd and a glass of squash, but in the end i couldn’t eat more than a few bites of the toast. I drank about half of the squash though and a little bit later i started feeling weird, like i needed a lie down. I tried to hurry up with the shopping but then realised i was feeling sick so went and sat by the loo until the inevitable happened!

Anyway I feel much better now and i’ve already rung T to report the news that bubs does not like Robinson’s squash!

I really can’t complain as i’ve been so lucky so far and only a few weeks ago before the scan I was hoping for a sign like this. Looks like I got what I wanted!!

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First scan today – nervous!

Well, it has finally come around… today we have our first scan on what i estimate to be exactly 13 weeks.

I am feeling excited and nervous in equal parts. Excited because to see our little bubs kicking around on the screen will probably be the most amazing experience of my life. Nervous in case it doesn’t happen like that!

I still have no symptoms to speak of… or at least nothing i can confidently put down to pregnancy. I feel absolutely fine… normal. I have no cravings, no aversions to any types of foods. I don’t feel sick or nauseas, and i’m not even particularly tired. In fact, i must confess that i did another pregnancy test last night (i know, i know!). To my relief, it came up a strong positive straight away. It’s scary though because now that i’m past 12 weeks EVERYONE knows… (with the exception of work)… all the relatives on both sides have been given the news by the two grannies to be. I suppsoe that just adds to my worries as although i have got to 12 weeks without any sign that anything is wrong, we don’t have any evidence that everything is fine, either. I suppose i do feel that my tummy has grown a little bit… clothes feel a bit tighter, but i have lost 3lbs since my bfp. I don’t think it is noticeable yet to the untrained eye… i hope not ayway as i’m still having to keep it a secret from work.

We got back yesterday from our holiday in Lagos, Portugal. It was a nice relaxing week, and we did plenty of sunbathing and swimming as well as a little bit of driving around seeing the sights. We weren’t as impressed with the Algarve as we were with Cyprus last year… but then again Cyprus does take a lot of beating! It was sad too, as every shop, bar, restaurant etc has posters with photos of Maddie McCann, who was abducted from Praia De Luz about 38 days ago now. We even saw some in Lagos which were handmade with real photos stuck to them, and, written in biro, “Missing 10pm last night Praia De Luz”. Very sad. I really really hope with all my heart that she is returned safe and well. Thinking about what her family must be going through makes you feel sick. I just do not know how they cope… it is unimaginably horific for them.

Anyway. Yes. We had a nice holiday and have returned feeling refreshed although i am not looking forward to finding out the latest “developments” at work. Apparently we will find out whether we have been ring fenced for any of the new posts on the 20th June… so hopefully we will know more then. I just hope to goodness that i still have a job, i feel furious at the prospect of losing what i am entitled to for the sake of this ridiculous example of bad management!

But for today, the main thing is the scan. Please please let it show us a healthy bubs waving away! There is nothing in the world more important than that right now!

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Seven weeks… and starting to feel it!

Well, we reach the exciting milestone of seven weeks today… and it feels like loads!

Things have taken a worrying development though, as i am starting to feel the first hints of the dreaded morning sickness. No actually sickness yet, thank goodness. However, on Sunday, I was feeling a little queasy all day… and the very thought of food made me feel worse, as did the smell of an oasis light! I could not think of a single thing that seemed appealing to eat, and eventually settled on sausage, mash and beans, which made me feel sick while i made it but then actually did not tastes as bad as I had built up in my head.

Yesterday, strangely, i felt fine again, then this morning after i got out of the shower there was a moment when i thought i might actually be sick.

Well, suppose that’s the joy of pregnancy! Hopefully it doesn’t get any worse than this (hope i’m not being too naive making that statement…) I’ve had a nice glass of milk (calcium) and a bowl of porridge… so hopefully i can keep it at bay for a while.

I’ll keep you posted!

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I’m five weeks, four days pregnant

April 21, 2007

Well, the news has just about sunk in now, and me and T are both still feeling very smiley and excited! So far, i am still feeling very well and my main pregnancy sign is the fact that my nipples have doubled in size!!

We went to the doctors the day after we did the positive pregnancy tests, and i have my booking in appointment with the midwife on Thursday… how exciting! I also have my one-year-on check with my chemotherapy consultant on Tuesday… so will be able to give him the good news.

After telling T’s mum and dad on Sunday, i rang my mum and told her too, and she was thrilled, as was my sister, who is going to be an aunty! My mum told me that she never suffered from morning sickness with either me or my sister, and doesn’t think my nan did either with her or my uncle. T’s mum didn’t get it either… so if i do get it i get the feeling i won’t be getting much sympathy from either of them!!

For the first few days after finding out, i found it difficult to sleep as my mind was racing around everything, and I was just generally too excited. That’s worn off now, and i can sleep fine thank goodness! However, there still isn’t a moment goes by really when i’m not thinking about the fact that i’m pregnant or that we will have a baby in less than eight months! We have a lot of preparation work to do to get ready for that, but at the same time, neither of us can wait!!

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