35+1 – Last day at work

Well, I finished work today to start my maternity leave!

I’ve had a really lovely day, with lots of kind things said and lots of lovely presents, not only for me and the baby but also some presents for Lilly too!

It feels really great to finish. Work itself hasn’t really been so bad, it’s the getting up in the morning and getting ready, driving to and from work and then coming in after a full day, exhausted and having to look after Lilly for a few hours before bed. I must also say that I am feeling VERY “pregnant”. I can remember last time feeling like everything was loosening up and I was starting to feel a bit like my hips and everything were slightly wibbly. I think that was only in the last few weeks, but i’ve already been feeling like that for a couple of weeks this time. I’m also getting lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, but nothing that resembles “real” contractions. I feel much bigger and more cumbersome than I ever remember feeling with Lilly – I really feel like I’m dragging myself around a bit!

I’ve done some bouncing on my ball, and now I’m just hoping baby has turned and is no longer breech. If she has, I’m not aware of it, and I don’t know how I would tell. I couldn’t get to sleep straight away last night, and baby was moving lots, and I was trying to feel whether I could make out a hand or a head at the bottom of the bump… it was inconclusive! I really hope she has moved!

I have an appointment with the supervisor of midwives now – on Tuesday. I’ve written up my new VBAC birth plan (as I want it to be) and I’m going to take that along. Continous monitoring and mobility being the main issues. So I’ll see what we can agree on.

As far as Lilly goes, we have come to a sad conclusion this week: it is the end of the nap. Her sleeping has been up the wall for a few months now, and only in the last week have we enjoyed a few nights of continous sleeping. And only when she hadn’t had a daytime nap. Yesterday, she had an hour’s nap in nursery and hardly slept a wink last night. That sealed the deal! No sleep today, so lets see how well we do tonight… fingers crossed.

It’s a shame becuase I was really hoping she’d still be napping while I was on mat leave. But it wasn’t to be. RIP daytime naps, you will be missed!

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34 weeks pregnant

Well, 34 weeks pregnant today and only a week until I finish work.

I had my midwife appointment today and all was fine – baby is still breech though so I need to get bouncing on my birthing ball, or, as midwife suggests: “going on all fours with your bum in the air”!! I go back at 36 weeks, and if little Madame is still breech I’ll be referred for a scan at Warrington. Hopefully she can “turn it around” before then, anyway.

I’m also thinking about starting on the raspberry leaf tea. Last time I didn’t start drinking it until about a week overdue – then I decided to guzzle it by the gallon load. Don’t know if it helped or not, but labour did start two days later. I’ve read a study which says that if you have one cup a day from 32 weeks it makes the second stage of labour shorter, which can surely be no bad thing. I wasn’t brave enough to try it as early as that, but now I’m 34 weeks I think I might give it a go.

I’ve also made the call to the hospital about seeing a Supervisor of Midwives re my VBAC plans. I spoke to somebody on the labour ward just now, and get the impression that, unless I’m a bit pushy, I might get fobbed off a bit. Being pushy isn’t really in my nature so I need to pull it out of myself a bit, I think.

In order to arm myself with everything I want to know, everything I want so say and what I want them to help me with, I’ve just been looking over my VBAC research, my draft birth plan and also re-reading Lilly’s birth story to work out what it is I do and don’t want this time.

(In a nutshell – last time there was an awful lot of intervention – waters broken without warning, blood taken from baby’s head, numerous attempts to put monitors on baby’s head, continuous monitoring and not much mobility because of suspected fetal distress, failure to progress, need to have c-section, failed epidural, general anaesthetic. Phew)

So, in order to get my head straight for when and if I finally get to talk to somebody who will help me agree a birth plan that I’m comfortable with, one which might actually lead me to have as good a chance as any to achieve a VBAC, here are the outpourings of my mind…

Things I did not like about last time:

•  Continous monitoring meaning I wasn’t very mobile, leading to failure to progress (which is what they are helpfully proposing for this time too)
• Waters being broken early, and with no warning that they were going to be broken (scary, unpleasant, no need)
• Gas & air not helping – perhaps I wasn’t doing it right? (Please god let it help this time!)
• Monitor being put on baby’s head – three failed attempts!! (painful, awful)
• All the checks for fetal distress (water’s clear, blood test from baby) came back clear, yet fetal distress was still assumed from the off. Why?
• Having an epidural put in – didn’t like the big needle – grumpy anaesthetist didn’t help – and he carried on even though I was having a contraction – which made me cry – and might have been one of the reasons why the epidural eventually failed
• Side effects of epidural – shivering, being sick. Will this happen again? What is the alternative, pain relief wise? Pethedine?
• Epidural not being able to be topped up when it came to c-section – leading to general anaesthetic instead. What are the alternatives? Spinal block?
• Being told that, once bloods have been taken from the baby’s head to check for distress, this has to be done every half an hour? (felt like a threat to make me agree to a section)

As a result of all the above, my birth plan so far reads as follows:

Birth plan for Baby No.2

•  My last labour resulted in an emergency caesarean under general anaesthetic – something I am very keen to avoid this time.

 

•  I want to be kept informed of what is happening at every stage, and why it is happening

 

• I understand that labour is unpredictable but I would like as little intervention as possible in order to allow my labour to progress naturally. My aim is to achieve a VBAC and to avoid an emergency caesarean.

 

• If possible, I would like to wait until at least 7cm dilated before my waters are broken. If it is thought necessary for my waters to be broken, I want to be told about this IN ADVANCE and be told the reasons for it.

 

• I am open minded about having an epidural, if possible I want to wait until after 5cms dilation so as not to increase the risk of an emergency c-section

 

• I understand that fetal monitoring will need to be carried out, but I wish to remain as mobile as possible throughout labour, so would like this monitoring to be done intermittently, not continuously. I would like to avoid having a monitor attached to the baby’s head unless this is deemed a necessity for medial reasons.

 

I feel a bit like this birth plan is all negatives – basically DON’T ANYBODY TOUCH ME!!! LEAVE ME ALONE AND I’LL HAVE THIS BABY IF YOU DON’T MIND!!! But that’s the way I feel, a little bit.

My last birth plan reads like a fantasists list to Santa. The only things on there that happened was my request for Lilly to be given vitamin K by mouth (which was hospital policy anyway) and for Tony to be given the baby in the event of my needing a section under general anaesthetic. Whoop de Whoop.

Anyway, all this could be scuppered if Little Miss stays breech. And I know Tony is secretly hoping she does, because he thinks a planned section would be easier and less stressful. He does support me but I know he can’t really understand why I want to put myself through childbirth when I don’t really “have” to.

It feels good to write it all down. I just hope I can be as clear about what I want when this Supervisor of Midwives person calls me back. I don’t really want to be fighting these battles on the day I’m in labour.

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Back to square one in the VBAC stakes…

Well, went to see the consultant again today for 28 week bloods and general checkup. Feel like i’ve taken a massive step backwards in my quest for a VBAC.

Last time I went to see the (a) consultant, i came away feeling really positive. Because of the nature of Lilly’s birth (continuous monitoring leading meaning I had to stay lying on the bed, leading to failure to progress, fetal distress and emergency c-section), I explained to him that my main fears were not being able to remain mobile and the same thing happening again. He had thoroughly read my notes and told me that, although I would need continous monitoring, this need not start until about 5-6cm dilated, and that the hospital was hoping to have wireless monitors by June, which would allow me to remain mobile whilst being monitored.

But, oh no, when I went today that all went up in a puff of smoke.

This doctor practically laughed when I asked if they had the wireless monitors yet, and made me feel like i’d just invented something fit for Tomorrow’s World. Upshot is, no, the wireless monitors won’t be in place.

He said I’d need continous monitoring and that I’d have to stay on the bed for this. I asked whether there would be any way I could maintain a bit of mobility – even sitting on a birthing ball right next to the monitor? – he said no, not possible.

All in all total conflict to what last consultant told me three months ago.

Out of interest, i thought I’d ask him how long they’d “let” me go overdue, to see what he’d say. I know the hospital policy is supposed to be 14 days. Last consultant told me 15-20 days to give me the maximum chance of a VBAC (which i did think sounded quite long!). This one was pretty non-committal but hinted at only 10 days.

He doesn’t want me back at the hospital til 39 weeks – which, as it is on a Tuesday actually works out as two days before my due date, so pretty much full term.

I came away from it all feeling like i wanted to cry, to be honest.

Surely the quickest way to a repeat performance of failure to progress is to lie on my back waiting for things to not happen? If I’m made to stay on the bed I can’t help but feel an emergency section is once again more than likely.

What’s especially frustrating is that you get a totally different opinion depending on who you see. There is no basic hospital policy about labouring naturally after a previous c-section. So, what’s the point in seeing a consultant? In reality, it comes down to who is on shift the day you’re in labour.

It’s left me feeling pretty deflated. I feel like I’m going to have to fight a battle to get something approaching the birth I want, but I’m going to have to fight it whilst I’m in labour, rather than having the bones of a plan agreed in advance. I know birth rarely conforms to a plan (ha! Nobody knows that more than me!) and I know that a healthy mum and baby are the most important thing at the end of it all, but I don’t want to be left feeling that I’ve had another section that could have been avoided if only things had been handled differently.

I also asked him about my failed epidural top up last time, which lead to my section having to be carried out under general anaesthetic. At the VERY LEAST, this time I’d like to be actually concious when my baby comes into the world, thanks very much.

Basically, my questions were whether there was a reason for the epidural failure last time – could it happen again? How could it be avoided? If I manage to labour without an epidural (which I’m hoping to do, at least until the later stages), and then a section becomes neccessary in a hurry, what anaesthetic will they use? Can I have anything put in place (canula or whatever it’s called) just in case, so that if an epidural or spinal block is needed in a hurry, that would help? He rambled on a bit but basically said no, there’s nothing I can do to help, every emergency is different.

Now I need to try and take stock and build myself back up to positivity again. Not sure what my plan of action is really. At the least it is to hope for a helpful and sympathetic consultant on the day. And also to do some more research to try and arm myself with a few facts for the fight ahead.

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