Well, I am now 10 days overdue and tomorrow time is up: I am going to be induced.
As I already said, I started having some contractions during the evening on Tuesday – which was 40+5, which amounted to nothing. I had the same the day afterwards, and again they died off when I went to bed.
Then on Thursday, at 7 days over, I went to see the consultant and had a sweep. (Ouch). She said I was 1cm dilated, cervix is 1cm thick but soft. When I first had it taken, my blood pressure was a little high – 140/95 compared with 110/75 at my last midwife appointment. But they took it a few times and it came down to 130something/82, so they said that was ok. They kept suggesting I was feeling “stressed” because of being in hospital – I wasn’t – in fact, I was quite enjoying it in the fancy antenatal day unit with the ultra comfy pregnant lady chairs!
Anyway, the day of the sweep both T and I really thought that would be it. I’d had two nights of contractions and hopefully the sweep would just push things a little bit over the edge. No such luck. That night I had the occasional twinge, and felt pretty uncomfortable after the rummaging around down there, but I had nothing that could be described as contractions. Soul destroying!
The next night though, the false contractions were back – and the night after that too. But everytime I went to bed, they stopped.
Yesterday (9 days over) I had a show and got my hopes up again. But despite a few pathetically mild contractions it was pretty obvious I wasn’t about to go into labour anytime soon. It felt like the Last Chance Saloon for me, and I was pretty depressed about it. When I woke up this morning with no pains, I resigned myself to the idea of being induced and have just been focusing on that all day today.
I’ve been a bit emotional, thinking about Lilly and how her life is just about to change and she can’t really comprehend how. I had a conversation with her this morning about how tomorrow mummy and daddy are going to the hospital to get the new baby sister, and she is going to stay with her Nanna. I was telling her about when she was born in the hospital, and she said “I’m your baby, aren’t I mummy?”
It still feels so strange that we are going to have two children soon – and a newborn baby to look after alongside a toddler! Are we crazy!!! How are we going to manage?!?!
And because of the induction – which is going to involve having my waters broken to start things off – I know that there is an even greater likelihood that this might end in an emergency c-section again. But hopefully if things look like they are headed that way (e.g. if heartrate is dipping and I’m not making good progress) that decision will be made earlier, meaning that at the very least, I will be able to be awake and T can be present when the procedure is done (last time was under general anaesthetic).
I really want my VBAC but my baby is the most important thing. I can’t go on being pregnant, I feel physically exhausted and uncomfortable all the time. If I get my natural birth – amazing!! I’ll be over the moon! But this time, having gained a better understanding of why what happened last time happened, I hope I’ll be much better able to understand and come to terms with the delivery, however it happens.
Wish me luck!