Time’s up!

Well, I am now 10 days overdue and tomorrow time is up: I am going to be induced.

As I already said, I started having some contractions during the evening on Tuesday – which was 40+5, which amounted to nothing. I had the same the day afterwards, and again they died off when I went to bed.

Then on Thursday, at 7 days over, I went to see the consultant and had a sweep. (Ouch). She said I was 1cm dilated, cervix is 1cm thick but soft. When I first had it taken, my blood pressure was a little high – 140/95 compared with 110/75 at my last midwife appointment. But they took it a few times and it came down to 130something/82, so they said that was ok. They kept suggesting I was feeling “stressed” because of being in hospital – I wasn’t – in fact, I was quite enjoying it in the fancy antenatal day unit with the ultra comfy pregnant lady chairs!

Anyway, the day of the sweep both T and I really thought that would be it. I’d had two nights of contractions and hopefully the sweep would just push things a little bit over the edge. No such luck. That night I had the occasional twinge, and felt pretty uncomfortable after the rummaging around down there, but I had nothing that could be described as contractions. Soul destroying!

The next night though, the false contractions were back – and the night after that too. But everytime I went to bed, they stopped.

Yesterday (9 days over) I had a show and got my hopes up again. But despite a few pathetically mild contractions it was pretty obvious I wasn’t about to go into labour anytime soon. It felt like the Last Chance Saloon for me, and I was pretty depressed about it. When I woke up this morning with no pains, I resigned myself to the idea of being induced and have just been focusing on that all day today.

I’ve been a bit emotional, thinking about Lilly and how her life is just about to change and she can’t really comprehend how. I had a conversation with her this morning about how tomorrow mummy and daddy are going to the hospital to get the new baby sister, and she is going to stay with her Nanna. I was telling her about when she was born in the hospital, and she said “I’m your baby, aren’t I mummy?”

It still feels so strange that we are going to have two children soon – and a newborn baby to look after alongside a toddler! Are we crazy!!! How are we going to manage?!?!

And because of the induction – which is going to involve having my waters broken to start things off – I know that there is an even greater likelihood that this might end in an emergency c-section again. But hopefully if things look like they are headed that way (e.g. if heartrate is dipping and I’m not making good progress) that decision will be made earlier, meaning that at the very least, I will be able to be awake and T can be present when the procedure is done (last time was under general anaesthetic).

I really want my VBAC but my baby is the most important thing. I can’t go on being pregnant, I feel physically exhausted and uncomfortable all the time. If I get my natural birth – amazing!! I’ll be over the moon! But this time, having gained a better understanding of why what happened last time happened, I hope I’ll be much better able to understand and come to terms with the delivery, however it happens.

Wish me luck!

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Had my first consultant appointment today

It went quite well. A lot better than it did in my dream last night, in which I went for my appointment, ended up running away from the consultant in tears and begging for a midwife lead delivery!

The doctor I saw (didn’t catch his name, think he is a registrar) seemed really nice. I hope he’s there on the day, he seemed quite jovial and reasonable.

He started off by saying he had reviewed my notes, and said there was no reason why I couldn’t go for a VBAC this time. He said he thought it sounded like with Lilly’s birth, she maybe had her head turned slightly to one side, so was not pressing as hard as she could have been on my cervix, which explains the failure to progress more quickly. He said there was no reason why this should happen a second time. I must admit, this is the first time i’ve heard this explanation, so i’ve no idea how he’s come to it, or whether its right, but I suppose it explains things. Perhaps this would also have given the impression of a distressed baby? I’m not sure, i’ll have to research that one…

I asked about fetal monitoring – this is really my main concern, as I think it was at the heart of lots of the things which went wrong last time. I asked whether I could have intermittent monitoring to allow me to be more mobile during labour. He said that, because of the risk of uterine scar rupture I will have to have continuous monitoring. However, he said that the hopsital are hoping to get wireless monitors, possibly by June, which would just stick onto my tummy and allow me to move around and stay active… that would be brilliant! I told him I really, really don’t want a monitor on the baby’s head unless it’s neccessary – last time the registrar tried FOUR times to put a monitor on her head, only to discover each time that the probe thingie didn’t work…. grrrrrrrrrrr. He was noncommittal about this, but i’d like to see them come near me on the day with that suggestion! Anyway, he then conceeded that perhaps I could be allowed to get to 5-6cm with intermittent monitoring before being hooked up (although hopefully wirelessly) for continuous monitoring in the later stages. That seems like a fair compromise, I’m going to hang on to that one for future reference I think!

I also asked about induction. Lilly was 10 days overdue and we seem to have history of overdue babies in our family, so it’s something I’m bracing myself for again. He said they would prefer me to go into labour naturally (me too!) and said they’d let me go “15 to 20 days” overdue… I was a bit shocked to hear that, as I thought they’d say 14 days then book in for an elective section. I can’t really believe that’s right, but anyway, it was good that there was no talk of elective sections at this stage.

He then tried to listen to the baby’s heartbeat – made a bit of a pig’s ear of it and couldn’t find it for ages. I wasn’t worried though, as I could feel the baby moving, and i’ve felt lots of movements over the past few days so I know he or she is in there, alive and kicking! He said he’d do an ultrasound instead – brilliant news, chance to see bubba again - but they had to send for it from the labour ward, and in the time it took to get it, he had found the heartbeat anyway. But never mind, the heartbeat sounded nice and strong, and he said all was fine.

The final thing I said to him is that I didn’t want lots of interventions this time, as last time they had been painful and contributed to an overall pretty horrible experience. He said: “We want to give you a much nicer time this time”, which has given me a bit of reassurance – just hope he’s right.

So, all went quite well. At least, until I got in the car to drive home and the stupid thing died on me in the middle lane of a busy three-lane carriageway. No hazard lights, no nothing. Got out and called the police, roadside assitance, father in law etc etc to rescue me, then tried really hard not to cry (not easy with all these hormones). It was amazing to see the amount of people (all men) who felt the need to shout obscenities at me from the comfort of their cars. Helpful comments including: “Put your hazards on, stupid b***” (yes, if I could do that, don’t you think I would?!) and, brilliantly “You’re a s*** driver” – I’m not actually trying to drive at the moment, mate, i’m standing on the side of the road freezing to death! And, for the record, I did not break down on purpose!!

Anyway, a nice policeman came and rescued me (as soon as he arrived i burst into tears!) and rolled the car out of the road. Then, a little while later father in law came and rescued me, got the car going again and we drove home.

But oh! How it restores your faith in human kind……. season of goodwill anyone?!?!?

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Seven weeks pregnant

Well, here we are – seven weeks.

Last time I got to this stage I felt like it was a really significant milestone – seven weeks pregnant – it felt like loads!

This time it doesn’t feel like that – I still feel like it’s really early days. 12 weeks seems miles away. I think this time I feel a lot more anxious about things, I feel more worried about the things which can go wrong – don’t know why that is but I do. I think maybe I have the pregnancy books that bit earlier and looking at the pictures in The Pregnancy Bible (which I think is a great book, by the way) contributes a bit – the baby at this stage is just so tiny and only just starting to look recognisable as a human being – it’s less than an inch long!

Last time I was pregnant I never for one minute doubted that I would have a baby, from the second I saw the line on the pregnancy test. The whole pregnancy was just excitement and anticipation and impatience. This time, even though I now know what its like to have a successful pregnancy and what it is to have a baby and look after one, it all feels even more unreal and like somehow it won’t really happen. I can’t actually believe or imagine me this time next year, with a toddler of nearly three and a baby of four months. It seems like a mad dream, totally hypothetical!

And yet, hopefully, that is exactly what is going to happen!!

T and I have talked about going for an early scan, which I think might be able to kick-start my excitement and unswerving belief that we really are doing all this again. The place where we had our 3d scan with Lilly, Take A Peek in St Helens, does a reassurance scan for £65. So we may go before or after our trip to Center Parcs, which is in a week and a half. Or, we may be brave and hold out until 12 weeks.

Symptoms wise I’ve been feeling similar to how I felt at this stage with Lilly. All morning I feel slightly queasy and need to constantly eat to keep that feeling at bay. The problem is, I’m fussy with what I can and can’t face the thought of eating. And when I do eat, I feel so full!

Today for lunch I had some pea and ham soup and a bread roll. I couldn’t eat it all because I started to feel like I’d eaten six Christmas dinners. I’ve felt hugely bloated all day – like my tummy is ready to pop!!

I think my rate of tummy expansion has slowed down a little – thank goodness - so maybe I will make it to 12 weeks without it being massively obvious to everyone!

Oh, and I had my first pregnancy related dream last night. I dreamt I was 10 days overdue and I’d only just realised! And I was really annoyed because I hadn’t started on the raspberry leaf tea yet!

 

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6 weeks pregnant – first visit to the midwife

Well, I’ve reached six weeks pregnant today and had my first appointment with a midwife.

This appointment was the booking in appointment with the midwife who visits my local GPs. It is a little bit complicated because the midwives who visit my local GPs serve Wigan hospital, not Warrington, where I am having my baby. So, basically, the midwife I see at my GP can’t really tell me anything specific about what really will happen – because procedures are different at the two hospitals. My actual booking-in appointment will take place at Warrington – more of that later.

Up here, we don’t necessarily see the same midwife each time, it’s just pot luck who you get. Today’s midwife was one who I saw while pregnant and in the weeks after having Lilly. She’s a bit brash, but I like her, she’s quite to-the-point and down to earth.

She wrote out a few notes and gave me some leaflets. Then she asked me about my last pregnancy. I told her – very straightforward, uncomplicated pregnancy and a birth that was anything but. 10 days overdue, over enthusiastic intervention by consultant, failed epidural, emergency c-section under general anaesthetic. I said I was keen to avoid that scenario again if at all possible!

Most of what she told me I already knew. That they’ll go back over my birth notes and see what the reasons for the c-section were, and if it was a straight forward failure to progress (rather than breech or other complication that is likely to recur) then they’ll be ok for me to go for a VBAC – vaginal birth after caesarian. That’s what I really want.

She asked me how far i’d manage to progress last time. I guessed about 5cm. She said this time I’d probably get to 5cm quite quickly, then after that it’d slow down and I’d labour like a first timer, which I knew.

She also said that the consultants would probably be a bit reluctant to induce me if I went over 14 days (which is the maximum time they’ll let you go overdue before an induction at Warrington, at Wigan it is 10 days apparently). This is because the induction process puts more intense pressure on the scar on your uterus. She said if it came to induction they might agree to a “half hearted” induction – one pessary to see if it worked on its own, otherwise they’d advise a section.

It’s a subject I need to do plenty or research on, and if anyone out there can tell me where I begin, that’d be brilliant!

I also asked the midwife today about some of the other things that i’ve been thinking about. One was will I do any harm to the baby by lifting and carrying Lilly, who weighs nearly 2 stone! She said it was just like exercise – if you’re a regular jogger before you got pregnant, you can usually just carry on. So that’s reassured me a bit. Besides, a friend of mine has just had a second baby (her first is a little younger than Lilly) and her partner was away in the Navy for most of her pregnancy, and she survived.

The other thing I asked her about was the swine flu jab. It gets rolled out to pregnant women next week and the Government are very keen to stress that pregnant women should have it. I’ve really already made up my mind about it – I want to have it - and I was only really wanting to ask her whether I had to book an appointment, or they’ll write to me. However, she thought I was asking her opinion and launched into a big rant about how she isn’t going to have it, it hasn’t been researched enough and she doesn’t care what management say! Something she did say though, which I suppose makes sense, is that by 12 weeks the baby is fully developed, and it might be best to wait until then. I checked with the receptionist on the way out and she said the jab is only being offered to pregnant women who are at least 13 weeks pregnant (so in second trimester) anyway.

So, there we have it, first midwife appointment. My next one is not until November 16, which is at Warrington. My 12 week scan is booked for 2 December, which can’t come soon enough. I’ve looked at the cost of private scans, and at Take A Peek in St Helens, where we had our 3d scan with Lilly, you can have a reassurance scan for £65. I think we’ll try and hold out though, it seems silly to pay for something which we’re going to get anyway a few weeks later. But we’ll see.

On another note – I am already showing!!! To me, it looks pretty obvious. If nobody has guessed at work yet, I’ll be insulted! Not sure how I can keep it under wraps til 12 weeks…. last time I kept it secret until five and half months!

And symptoms wise, I’m still the same. Nothing much to report. I get really tired around 2pm at work and just can’t find the energy or motivation to do anything. I think this might be a combination of pregnancy and caffeine withdrawral!

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